Category Archives: Ordinary

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Harris Hotel – Again

29 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 7 Comments

This repost is a relatively recent one from just over a year ago. Even so, it harks back to a time when COVID-19 hadn’t been heard of and Brexit was still an issue. As you will see our hopes for one million marchers in London were to be dashed on the jagged rocks of stupidity. Even in the midst of this coronavirus pandemic, the UK is trying to decide what barriers to erect between ourselves and our biggest trading partners … you couldn’t make it up. It might be only a year but our visit to the Harris Hotel now seems from a bygone age.

We landed safely at Tarbert on the Isle of Harris after a relatively uneventful voyage. Many years ago I did a similar crossing from Lochmaddy to Uig and was incredibly seasick. Thankfully all the ships nowadays are fitted with stabilisers making for much smoother crossings. This was to be our first visit to this part of the Outer Hebrides so we were like excited children.

One of many beaches on the Isle of Harris — One of many beaches

Eagles

Our first day was spent driving around South Harris to places like Rodel and Leverburgh. If Pat was hoping that we had left hair raising roads behind on Raasay she was to be disappointed. Nearly all the roads here are single track and they wind up and down and round about in dizzying fashion. However, if like us you are in no rush it can make for very pleasant driving. You just pull in and let any traffic past. We hardly had any traffic, though in the warmer months it might be a different story. By way of compensation for Pat there were golden eagles everywhere. “It’s just a golden eagle” was often the response to my “what’s that?”

There are lots of galleries and craft places here and some were actually open. This one, the Mission House Studio at Finsbay was fabulous. It’s run by Beka (fine art photographer) and Nickolai Globe (ceramic artist). Their stuff was so good we actually parted with some cash! Yes, that good!!

Ruling classes

When we got back to Tarbert where we were staying, the Harris Hotel was just a couple of hundred yards down the road. Would they have scones? It’s a very pleasant place built in 1865 by the Earl of Dunmore. We thought it was interesting to look at past owners. Obviously there was the original Earl followed by Sir Edward Scott, followed by Lord Leverhulme, followed by Sir Tom Sopworth and then Lord Brockett. Do you notice a theme running through these names? All from the tax avoiding ruling classes. We are grateful to our Ballachulish correspondent who sent us pictures of some creative placards from the recent anti-Brexit march in London. One million people attended. They certainly sum up how we feel and emphasize the point that toffs really are terribly terribly unsuited to government … golly gosh, yes!

Today the headlines read “MPs seize control!” which makes us think “the lunatics have taken over the asylum!“. Every time we think it can’t get any worse, it does. Let’s hope those one million marchers have some effect.

Doubts creep in

Nowadays they are not at all fussy who they let into the hotel … our presence being proof of exactly that. Warmly welcomed, we were still recovering from the worst of the effects of the fresh air when a couple of warm scones were placed in front of us. Just sitting there looking out over the gardens was pleasant enough in itself and our lovely scones did nothing to detract from the cosy illusion that all was well with the world. Not topscones but we thoroughly enjoyed them nevertheless. Some time back, when we were on the Orkneys, after a run of topscones, we developed a theory that the further north you went the better the scones got. We are starting to have doubts because there’s been none so far on this trip.

Vandals

In one of the corridors, they have a display case containing an old window from the hotel’s dining room because in 1912, J M Barrie of Peter Pan fame scratched his initials in the glass. Must have been a fashionable thing to do at one time. He joins a list of illustrious artistes like Robert Burns who vandalised windows all over the place.

Honesty

We are letting you see this picture of Croft 36 because, for us, it seemed to sum up life on the Isle of Harris. It’s a café shack at the side of a little road on South Harris near Northton. Inside there’s a cauldron of scotch broth, hot pies and quiches, patisserie style baking including scones … and a price list. You just help yourself to whatever takes your fancy. There’s no one there, just an honesty box .. fantastic. In hindsight, we should have bought some scones but they only came in packets of four so we didn’t. Stupid, they might have been topscones!

HS3 3DL tel: 01859 502154 Harris

ps: Telephone boxes in this part of the world seem to be located either in people’s gardens or other places difficult to get to. Perhaps it’s testament to the strength of the winds they get up here that this one at Finsbay had lost its door. It had been manufactured at the Saracen Foundry in Glasgow but wasn’t operational.

Boris has returned from his COVID sickbed to be greeted by the media like some all-conquering hero rather than the person largely culpable for hundreds if not thousands of coronavirus deaths. What’s all that about? Hopefully, at some point, he and his hapless buddies will be held to account.

NOTE: In case you are starting to feel the pressures of isolation the Psychiatric Association has stated that during quarantine it is considered normal to talk to your walls, plants and pots. You should only contact them if they reply.

HARRIS SHED

A shed on the Isle of Harris — A corrugated iron shed at Aird Asaig not far from the Harris Hotel

island, Ordinary, Scones

The Boathouse – Again

26 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

The news that this coronavirus isolation business may last another year is extremely unwelcome. Although we have got into a routine whereby the whole thing has become quite pleasant and enjoyable we still want it to end. And the sooner the better! The weather, of course, has definitely helped. But another year? We miss our family/friends and this year, of course, we are missing the company of our wonderful guests from around the world. Worst of all, if it’s going to take that long, we are worried that we may not have enough scones to repost. Yeah, we hear you cry! Okay, okay but you don’t get off that easily. It’s an unbelievable five years since we were at the Boathouse on God’s Island, the Isle of Gigha.

The Boathouse is a great spot near to the ferry terminal at Ardminish Bay on Gigha. It has a wide range of food on offer and is open into the evening for dinner and drinks. Unfortunately, when we visited it seemed to be in a state of chaos with staff doing headless chicken impersonations. Although it was not busy we waited a long time before having to ask to be served .. not good! The situation only seemed to be resolved with the return of the manageress or owner, not sure which. It has won several awards and people we spoke to praised it quite highly. So hopefully, this was just a temporary blip. Gigha is not exactly bristling with fancy eateries so we sincerely hope so.

When they eventually arrived, our tea and scones were quite good and it was great to be sitting outside with the sun on our backs. They were nicely presented on a small breadboard with a wedge of butter but it was a pity the cream was not quite up to the ‘clotted’ standard.

Honourable?

Standards are not quite up to the mark in that disgrace of a place, the House of Lords. The honourable Lord in charge of standards has reportedly been found snorting cocaine off the breasts of prostitutes. All paid for by you and I. They set the bar that high so they can then decide what is good for the rest of us! The Boathouse, on the other hand, is a far superior House and, if time had allowed, we would have tried an evening meal because the menu looked very enticing .. next time!

One of the numerous beaches on Gigha looking towards Jura

PA41 7AA tel: 01583 505123 The Boathouse

Back in 2020, with Trump having taken to issuing medical advice we are dreading what we might find when our local pub opens up again. Thanks to our Trossachs correspondents for the warning. On a brighter note, we saw our first swallow the other day, just arrived from South Africa. Remember when we used to be able to do that?

GIGHA SHED

Shed on the Isle of Gigha — Disused pier at the north of the island where they park the Ardminish ferry overnight

Ordinary, Scones

Kerrera Tea Garden – Again

22 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

The government’s Department of Weasel Words has gone into overdrive trying to justify their pathetic response to coronavirus and the BBC has taken to only reporting on NHS England. Should we be surprised? Well, back in 2018, we were at the Kerrera Tea Garden and as you will see we were still smarting from being cheated out of Scotland’s independence in 2014. The defeat was brought about by a coalition of Labour, Conservative and media lies. What really surprised us the most was that we were surprised. We knew they could stoop very low, just not that low. Anyway, let’s go back two years.

When it comes to Scottish Independence many people who voted NO in the 2014 referendum have been posting on social media “My Journey to YES”. Well, this is similar but, of course, it’s more “Our journey to a SCONE”! Let us explain. Some scones can be relatively difficult to come by but that is generally down to cost e.g. Claridges, the Connaught, rather than geographical location.

Gallanach Ferry from the Isle of Kerrera — Gallanach Ferry only takes 12 people, no cars. If you are number 13 you have to wait for it to come back. We had to wait for it to come back three times

Getting there

Getting to the Kerrera Tea Garden, however, involves a road trip to Oban, a passenger ferry and then an hour’s walk over rough hill track. That’s just to get there … and the same back! There is nothing along the way other than sheep but luckily they have easy to follow signposts to guide the weary traveller. Although the day was quite cloudy it was hot so by the time we came on that last sign we were extremely relieved. Stomach and arthritic joints were screaming for sustenance and rest.

The Kerrera Tea Garden is exactly what it says. A fairly large garden in which there are lots of tables where you can sit and have tea. If the weather ever gets inclement, perish the thought, there is the Byre, a rustic but charming converted cowshed.

Inside the Byre at the Kerrera Tea Garden on the Isle of Kerrera — The Byre

Sacre Bleu

We were attended to by a very mannerly young chap who was obviously not a local. He was from Singapore and was studying law in London. Goodness knows how he found his way here for a summer job? The scones are made fresh every morning so after a light lunch we thought they should be sampled. We couldn’t come all this way and not sample the scones after all! Unfortunately, they were a tad disappointing. Just a little on the solid side and with a slightly sweet taste that wasn’t to our liking. They weren’t bad but not a topscone. Pity, because everything else about this place is fantastic. If you ever get the chance you should definitely visit, it’s worth the effort.

When we arrived there was a party of six French folks who were explaining that they just wanted coffee because they had their own sandwiches … mais non, sacre blue, mon Dieu! Perhaps it is just as well we are leaving the EU! They were politely told to take themselves off to yonder distant hill to have their picnic. When we were leaving they were making their way back for their coffee and didn’t seem at all putout. The Auld Alliance is intact!

View of Gylen Castle on the Isle of Kerrera — The ruined Gylen Castle overlooking the Firth of Lorne

We finished off our visit with the short walk from the Tea Garden to Gylen Castle which sits on the southern tip of the island. It was built in 1582 by the Clan MacDougall but was besieged then burned by Covenanters in 1647. Ironically the siege was successful because of a shortage of water. The castle’s spring was insufficient in the prevailing dry spell so the MacDougalls surrendered. The same would have happened today where we have almost forgotten what rain looks like! When William Turner visited in 1831, he was fascinated by the ruin and made several sketches of the castle which are now in London’s Tate Gallery.

View of Ben Cruachan from the Isle of Kerrera — Looking east with twin peaks of Ben Cruachan in the middle distance

Sheep talk

On our return walk to the ferry we were almost deafened at one point by sheep talking to each other. Their exact words were “baa, baa, baa, baa, baa.” The noise was incredible! We came to the conclusion that they must have been discussing the effects of Brexit on the Common Agricultural Policy. They were making much more sense than our Westminster parliamentarians! After Trump’s visit to see May in London and Putin in Helsinki, I said to Pat “I think Trump’s a very clever man“, then, when I saw the look on her face, had to explain that I had misspoken and what I actually meant to say was that he was a complete and utter idiot.

Ex KGB, Vladamir Putin is beginning to look like the only sane politician around and that says something! Our “journey to a scone” was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. A big fat YES to the Kerrera Tea Garden.
PA34 4SX tel: 01631 566367 Kerrera Tea Garden

ps: This is the only telephone box on the Isle of Kerrera and as you can see it is a K6. No manufacturer’s badge so it could be either Falkirk, Kirkintilloch or Glasgow in origin. Now it functions, not as a telephone box, but as the only shop on the island … selling postcards.

Telephone cables

If you found that interesting here is another little snippet that will be of interest to all those who have spent restless nights wondering where the first subsea transatlantic telephone cable came ashore in the UK. Well wonder no more, it was here at Little Horsehoe Bay on Kerrera in 1956. It operated until 1978. The other end was in Clarenville, Newfoundland. You can now rest easy.

View of first trans Atlantic telephone cable landing point on the Isle of Kerrera — Little Horseshoe Bay with Oban in the distance. In 1263 Horseshoe Bay housed a fleet of one hundred and twenty longship galleys under the command of Norwegian King Haakon 1. More recently, it provided all the lobsters for Cunard’s transatlantic liners.

Wilting

We met loads of tourists, some walking, some on bikes, all were complaining about the heat! They said that the publicity for holidays in Scotland had not prepared them for weeks of hot dry weather. C’est la vie … haste ye back!

These days, the Kerrera Tea Garden and that ‘journey to a scone’ seem almost otherworldly.

KERRERA SHED

With everyone preoccupied with social distancing, we don’t particularly want to get into a deep philosophical debate about sheds. However, “When is a shed, not a shed?”. For example, is a wooden garage not just a shed with big doors or do the doors define it as something else? Is a shed with large windows a summerhouse and therefore no longer a shed? We don’t know the answer but you will be relieved to hear that I don’t photograph garages or summerhouses even if they are still sheds.

A shed on the Isle of Kerrera — Okay, it’s a composting toilet .. but still a shed. Near the tearoom and Gylen Castle

I knew it was a mistake in our COVID-19 Newsflash post creating new categories willy-nilly however I did not expect my better half to join in. It raises yet another philosophical question “When is a scone not a scone?’. When it’s a cheese muffin, that’s when! These muffins were absolutely delicious but definitely not scones and shouldn’t really have a place on this blog however in the interests of domestic harmony here is the picture. To be fair, we managed to swap four cheese muffins for three of our neighbour’s tomato plants making one cheese muffin worth 0.75 tomato plants. Fantastic, a sign of the times perhaps?

All this isolation stuff has driven the world mad. We have even heard rumours of Texas folks baking scones … unbelievable! It’s just a rumour.

island, Ordinary, Scones

The Old Workshop Café – Again

17 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

As parents all over this coronavirus world scream at their kids to stop going outside and get back on their iPads we bring you our fifth island scone repost. This time it’s from the Old Workshop Café on yet another wonderful island, Colonsay. As you will see our visit was in September 2015 at the height of the refugee crisis in Europe.

Considering that many of the smaller islands have very little or no choice, for a population of around 100, Colonsay is pretty well endowed with tearooms and eating places. There is the Pantry, the Colonsay Hotel and this place, the Old Workshop at Colonsay House in the middle of the island. It was built in 1935 to do boat repairs. Many of the original tools and other paraphernalia are still evident. The baking is done every morning by Katie and Sarah (after they have made the school dinners) and most of their cakes are done as large slabs to which you just help yourself. Just cut off as much as you like! Tempting to overindulge but I guess it works in their favour because most folk go for fairly modest portions. Especially if others are watching .. and they are! The chocolate fudge (bottom right in the pic) was yummy.

Tropical beaches

Anyway, enough of cakes, the scones were great as well … soft and light but with a slightly crunchy outer crust. The fabulous blackcurrant jam was made from berries picked in the gardens. The climate on Colonsay is very mild. The gardens are full of sub-tropical plants. Being able to sit outside on the little terraced area just finished off the whole experience. Later we ended up on the beach at Kiloran just a mile or so from the café. Pristine and beautiful but a sad reminder that there are bodies of children washing up on other beaches in the Mediterranean. If the EU, with all its money, cannot sort this horrendous mess out what is the point of it all?

Kiloran beach, Isle of Colonsay — Kiloran Beach, Isle of Colonsay

PA61 7YU tel: 01951 200312 Colonsay Estate

Remember we said we had bought a ‘virtual’ Devonshire Tea from the Country Women’s Association of New South Wales but were afraid we would not receive it because we had to enter our address as being in Australia. We got it! We know because our bank account has been debited $10! All we can say is that ‘virtual’ scones are really great for the waistline but totally lacking in substance. However, we promised we would share the CWA’s ‘famous’ scone recipe, so here it is:

We haven’t tried the recipe yet but if any readers want to beat us to it then feel free. Photos required, of course. You can still support the CWA here. Thanks again to our Mirrambeena correspondents for providing us with this opportunity.

COLONSAY SHED

A shed on the Isle of Colonsay — In the suburbs of the capital of Colonsay, Scalasaig

Ordinary, Scones

Galmisdale Bay Café – Again

15 April 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

“Yes, he’s an idiot with zero common sense and no social skills, but he is my son. I just hope he never goes into politics. He would be a disaster” Mary Anne Trump. Thus spoke the mother of the man who assures us that he has complete control over everything! As if coronavirus wasn’t scary enough! This is the fourth “island scone’ repost and it’s from Galmisdale Bay Café on the wonderful Isle of Eigg. It dates back to 2017, a time when doves in wishing trees proved useless.

Galmisdale Bay Café is, of course on the Isle of Eigg, an island we know well through having looked at it from all sorts of places on the mainland. Often you look out and can be confused by the jumble of small islands off the west coast but because of the unique volcanic Sgurr of Eigg this island is unmistakable. Until today though we had never set foot on it. The little ferry from Arisaig, however, changed all that … exciting. What would it be like, would they have scones?

Multicultural

Well, in 1858, Hugh Miller described the locals as “an active, middle-sized race, with well-developed heads, acute intellects, and singularly warm feelings” … no mention of scones but had anything else changed since then? Quite a lot actually! Having gone from a population of around 500 in the 19th century to around 50 in 1997, it has since been rejuvenated by a community buy-out from the previous private landlord. The population now stands at 105 … split 50/50 Scottish /English with a smattering of French and Spanish.

Old tractor on the Isle of Eigg with Rum in the distance — From Cleadale looking towards Rum with a tractor that hasn’t moved recently

We’re here for a few days and can happily report that nothing has changed in the “singularly warm feelings” department. We were greeted with open arms everywhere we went. You will have to forgive us if we post more pictures than usual. The scenery, the island, the weather, the people were all fantastic. We may even be able to persuade you to go there yourselves. Though sometimes it is not as straight forward as you might think.

Washing drying at Cleadale on the Isle of Eigg — Our washing drying in Cleadale

Rigours endured

The biggest problem is getting accommodation because everything is fully booked. Transport can also be a problem because you are not allowed to take a car. Hopefully, the extra pictures will also give you a sense of the rigours we have to endure in order to bring you scone news from such remote places. War correspondents like Orla Guerin don’t know the half of it! To get a small taste of the difficulties we have to overcome, click here. Sometimes we have even had to sit staring out the window, glass in hand.

Sunset on the Isle of Eigg looking towards Rum — View from our window at 11pm

Did they have scones, we hear you cry! Yes, of course, they did and they were so fresh that the cook had to make us wait until they had cooled down a bit. Don’t get fresher than that! Even when we eventually got them he said it was pointless giving us cream because it would just melt. Yet more rigours – creamless scones. We didn’t get a picture of the café interior (nothing special) because we sat out the back all the time in the sunshine watching the shipping go by. Everything from massive cruise liners to kayaks.

Wishes

The scones themselves, although undeniably fresh, just didn’t quite do it for us … good, but not good enough for a topscone. Who cares when you can sit in such splendid surroundings. We were staying at Cleadale, about five miles from this café, at the other end of the island. There, just off Laig beach, there is a little remote church of St Donnan’s. Inside the church there is a wishing tree. You can write your wish on a paper dove and hang it from a branch.With Trump currently at the G20 Hamburg summit that wish has been slightly overtaken by events but don’t lose heart. If you ever visit you should still make a wish. In fact with Trump now running the world, the more wishes the better!

The singing sands on the Isle of Eigg — Singing Sands at Cleadale – the white quartz sand makes a peculiar noise when you walk on it. Pat looking to add to her bird species collection

More of everything

Pat was making a bird list for our days away and by day two she had collected over twenty different species, including Manx Shearwaters and a Golden Eagle … happy girl! I had also managed to get a few Eigg sheds for my forthcoming coffee table companion “Sheds of Scotland”. Happy boy! Next stop the Isle of Rum, hopefully, more birds, more sheds … and more scones!

PH42 4RL tel: 01687 482487 Galmisdale Bay Café Bar

Scone baking … don’t think it’s a symptom of COVID-19 but it is definitely a side effect. My brother, living in London, recently confessed to suffering from it. Who would have thought it? No pictures so it may just be a rumour he is spreading to create the illusion that he is semi-domesticated. Our cruise correspondents, on the other hand, who live in the next street but might as well be cruising for all we can see of them these days, have sent a photo. It looks like it has been a very successful exercise indeed. Well done A&A, may your side effects be long-lasting!

EIGG SHED

A shed on the Ilse of Eigg — A tumbledown shed at Laig Bay looking towards the Isle of Rhum

Ordinary, Scones

Bossard’s Patisserie

27 March 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

This visit to Bossard’s Patisserie signifies the continuation of our tour of Oban and Mull. Okay, it’s a kind of virtual tour now but it did actually happen albeit over a week ago. They say a week is a long time in politics but, nowadays, it actually seems even longer in real life! Looking at the world media it appears that they have Boris sussed. Many of them seem to think that the only thing more dangerous than coronavirus is Boris Johnson himself. Okay we know it’s really Dominic Cummings but Boris is the face of Dominic.

Nicola Sturgeon and Boris Johnson — This neatly sums up the stark contrast between Nicola and Boris on coronavirus advice

And, in these dark times, what would we do without Donald Trump. He reckons it will all be over by Easter. Presumably, he thinks Easter is in September. How did these numpties end up in charge?

Anyway, on to important matters. As we said in our last post from Café Shore we are trying to space out our scones to cover this period of self-isolation. We hope you are all well and sitting waiting with bated breath for this post. Bossard’s Patisserie is actually only a hundred yards from Café Shore. It stands next to the river that flows down to the harbour area. We were puzzled by the name, Bossard’s. Turns out that the couple who own it, she is local but he is from Switzerland. Puzzlement over!

Elephant’s sufficiency

Bearing in mind that this place had to close its doors a day after our visit (nothing to do with our visit), it was quiet. Only one or two folks popping in for takeaway stuff. We were made to feel very welcome, however. It was mid-morning and we hadn’t had any breakfast. They had some unusual offerings. Pat got coffee and a bacon and egg roll but I got ” three rolls and a scone” with coffee. Just wanted to find out what it was. Suffice to say it consisted of three different types of bread, a scone and lots of jam and butter. We had witnessed the scones emerging from the kitchen so it wasn’t that hard a decision. There was no cream and probably just as well. There was an elephant’s sufficiency without cream. Some of the breads ended up going in a bag for us to take home.

The scone itself was about as fresh as you could get. It was delicious. Nice and warm with loads of fruit. If it hadn’t been for the prepackaged butter jam and the lack of cream this could have been a topscone. Unfortunate but this is a really nice place with loads of wonderful stuff all made on the premises. Hopefully, they will emerge from this coronavirus thing and keep doing what they were doing before. Good luck!

Emotional times

In Falkirk, we live in a nice street. It could never be described as ‘happy go lucky’ or even having any real sense of ‘community’. Everyone is friendly enough but tend to keep themselves to themselves. Last night, however, we went to our front door at 8 o’clock to “clap in appreciation of the folks in NHS” expecting to be on our own. We were astonished to find everyone doing the same as us. The growing crescendo of clapping was very emotional. Things may never be quite the same again … some things might be for the better.

Lastly, don’t open any emails with “knock-knock” in the subject. It’s Jehovah’s Witnesses working from home!

PA34 4AY tel: 01631 564641 Bossard’s FB

///puzzled.waiters.burglars

ps: we’ve just heard that our favourite bête noire, Boris, has tested positive. Oh dear, in spite of him and his like having stripped the NHS of hundreds of nurses and doctors, on a personal level we do wish him well.

pps: Our Perthshire correspondent, Lady12bore, has sent pics of her second ever attempt at scones. In this case, cheese scones. They look fab. Anyone else taken to baking to relieve the self-isolation monotony?

Ordinary, Scones

Café Shore

25 March 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 12 Comments

Assuming that all our readers across the world, like us, find themselves stuck in the boredom of self-isolation, this post may go down in the history of sconology as the first to actually be welcomed. Yeah! Okay, we know that anything that breaks the monotony is welcome … but still!

Last week, it seems like aeons ago, when we left the Tobermory Bakery behind we stayed in Oban for a few days and that, of course, meant scones. We have decided to space them out over the next wee while so that readers might escape the worst of the effects of scone withdrawal. This one comes from Café Shore.

But first, never mind all this ‘stay at home’ stuff. Apparently all you have to do is get rid of your car … just get rid!! Then you can’t get carownervirus! Sorry, sorry, sorry! Obviously, the situation is extremely serious and we don’t want to minimise that in any way, however, it is amazing how humour helps. It seems like the more serious it is the more jokes come out. This one, for example, made us smile.

Rest assured we are not physically in Oban. We are definitely in solitary confinement with nothing better to do than annoy you with this blog. Actually this post is quite significant in sconological terms because Café Shore was where we posted our first review in March 2015. That was 372 scones ago and back then it was called Mitchell’s – the Coffee Corner. Imagine, five years of this nonsense! Okay, let’s not imagine!

Memory problems

As we entered Café Shore we noticed this large, rather handsome, wall plaque. It’s Glasgow’s coat of arms. St Mungo is seen together with the bird that never flew, the tree that never grew, the bell that never rang and the fish that never swam. But what on earth was it doing in Oban? When we asked one of the staff why it was on the outside of the building she said “Oh, I do know … but I can’t remember!” She then proceeded to come to our table every few minutes to tell us that she still couldn’t remember. “It’s really annoying me”. To put her out of her misery we looked it up and it turns out that the building was originally built for the City of Glasgow Bank. “That’s what I couldn’t remember!” she said, joyously. The Bank failed spectacularly in 1877 ruining almost all its investors. We were hoping for better luck with the scones.

This is a nice place with very happy welcoming staff. We ordered coffee and a fruit scone. It came with a nice wee pot of raspberry jam and some prepackaged butter … no cream. They had been freshly baked by Morvern and were delicious. Nice and crunchy on the outside and soft in the middle, just the way we like them. Not quite at topscone but ever so close.

Internal view of Café Shore, Oban — Very quiet, the effects of coronavirus already

Too little too late

Boris Johnson has finally decided to stop fudging and issue late but welcome instructions that, for him, are relatively clear. His initial advice about us all acquiring herd immunity was pathetic considering that herd immunity doesn’t actually exist without a vaccination program … and there’s no vaccine! He has been consistently behind the other UK nations throughout this whole episode. A follower, waiting to see what others are doing, rather than a leader. Now it’s too little too late.

Guy Fawkes and fake blondes

As we said earlier, our very first scone blog was from Oban in 2015 We wish, however, we had been here for Guy Fawkes night in 2011. Then the firework display that was scheduled to last 20 – 30 minutes actually lasted a few seconds when a computer malfunction set them all off at once. Unfortunate but apparently it was quite a sight!

Since our visit, Café Shore, along with hairdressers and everywhere else including Oban distillery, has had to close its doors. Hopefully, Tina and Morvern will be able to reopen and carry on with their excellent business very soon. With the closure of all hairdressers for the foreseeable future, we really feel for fake blondes.

Maybe we can all get back to some sort of normality very soon but in the meantime, behave. And if that’s too much to ask just misbehave as usual but at home! Keep safe.

PA34 4LJ. tel: Cafe Shore FB

///twinkled.lofts.scatters

Ordinary, Scones

The Brown Palace Hotel

16 March 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 3 Comments

In the face of the current Caronavirus outbreak, the government is concerned for the elderly. Fair enough we thought. Then we realised that they were talking about us. The nerve! Funny how, when you get to a certain age, in spite of the fact that every limb is creaking, it still never crosses your mind that you could be classed as ‘elderly’. Now they are also saying that we have to self isolate for four months. Jings, crivvens, help ma bob! In Scottish, that phrase indicates a level of astonishment towards the very top of the scale.

Could this mean the end of sconology as we know it? Not a bit of it because today our scone comes from the Brown Palace Hotel in Denver, Colorado. Eh? Yes, yet again, another of our dedicated band of correspondents has ridden to the rescue. So it’s not us, it’s them, our USA correspondents. And this is not just any old common or garden US motel, like you might find in Schitt’s Creek this an altogether classier establishment. In their own words:

“We were staying at The Brown Palace Hotel in Denver, Colorado. It was built in terms of American history, a long time ago, circa 1892, so it’s fairly new!! The hotel’s claim to fame is the large number of celebrities who have stayed. Including almost every US President except Obama and Trump. What’s interesting is that no-one said why they didn’t stay, they were more interested in telling us that the Beatles stayed, maybe even in the same Presidential suite we had, who knows. Molly Brown, a famous survivor from the Titanic, stayed for a couple of weeks it seems, but the hotel is not named after her, just a coincidence.

Winning bulls

Another great feature if you happen to be in the hotel during the stock show is that they bring in the winning bull, right into the lobby for all to see, and smell. We missed that but did get to enjoy the very historic building and the very friendly staff.

Every day they have Afternoon Tea in the main 8 stories high atrium. It’s a beautiful room with a piano player and ladies dressed in fancy hats, with ripped jeans. It’s Colorado, things are pretty relaxed here. With all the marijuana being consumed and the thin air, everyone seems a bit light-headed.

Titanic

What could not be obtained was coffee, “no sir, this is afternoon tea, we don’t have coffee making facilities available”. Coffee was obtained from the bar, and the scones put to the test. Real clotted cream, OK. Jarred, decent brand jam, OK. But, the scones were small in stature, and basically impossible to put either cream or jam on. I did try to do the jam first in an attempt to hold it together, but it ended up looking like trifle on the plate once the cream was added. If the Titanic hit an iceberg with the consistency of the aforementioned scone, it would still be sailing today, probably spreading Covid-19 as good as any other ship. Of course, with the scone being obtained as a “perk” for being a Marriott Ambassador Elite member, therefore, no charge, I kept my disappointment to myself, and the fine folks reading here.

Colorado

Colorado is an amazing state. You go from desert-like conditions that are dry and arid, 20 C, and then climb 14,000feet to the top of Pikes Peak and it’s -5 C , all in the same day. My mum would love the drive up there, with the sheer drops of 1000 feet or more on one side and the snow piled up on the other. Now it’s the trip back home going from hand sanitizer to hand sanitizer, staying 6 feet from the nearest human as much as possible and holding your breath for the whole 2-hour flight back. Unless, of course, Mr Trump says we can’t and stops more travel”.

Gratis scones

No topscone unfortunately but we are indebted to our correspondents for their excellent report. They were right when they said that the hotel was not named after Titanic’s Molly Brown. It’s named after its founder, real estate developer, Henry Cordes Brown. The triangular plot the hotels sits on was where he used to graze his cow. Nowadays they even have colonies of bees on the roof. It’s part of their drive to be as green as possible. We were not aware that it was possible to get free scones anywhere so we will have to look into this Ambassador Elite shenanigans.

Sliced bread

We have come to the conclusion that coronavirus is the best thing since sliced bread. Judging by the news, wars have ceased, famine has been eradicated, refugees have stopped coming, climate change has become of little consequence … brill! Oh but the stock market? We don’t want to appear selfish or self-centred but will our pensions be okay? Will we ever get to stay in the Presidential Suite at the Brown Palace Hotel … and get gratis scones?? And before you ask, yes, we’re okay for toilet rolls.

CO 80202 tel: +1 303-297-3111 Brown Palace

///types.honey.funds

Ordinary, Scones

Plough Hotel

8 March 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 2 Comments

Back in the 2nd century, before even I was born, Emperor Antoninus Pius built a wall through central Scotland. The Antonine wall came to represent the northern extremity of the Roman Empire. Some think that was because it was too difficult and unwelcoming to venture further north however we think he just enjoyed life in Falkirk. He just wanted it for himself undisturbed by unsavouries from Stirling and the likes.

Diagram of Arthur's O'on — Arthur’s O’on

As an example of how wonderful their lives were they even built a giant stone oven, Arthur’s O’on, presumably for the making of scones. Okay, we just made up that last bit but there was indeed a fabulous round stone house of that name. It was considered to be unique and the best example of Roman construction in Britain. It stood until 1743 when it was demolished by a local aristocrat who used the stones to build a dam. This wonton act of vandalism was roundly condemned at the time and still is by antiquarians all over the world.

Roman scones

All this is simply to let you know that today we are in Stenhousemuir, part of the Falkirk conurbation. The village gets its name from Arthur’s O’on, the ‘stone house’ that once stood here. Not sure how it became known as Arthur’s O’on. There was no one called Arthur. Most likely it’s a derivation of ‘Art’ an old Gaelic word meaning ‘house’. And it was actually a temple rather than an oven. The local folk just thought it looked like a big oven. Still, it’s nice to think of Roman’s lounging around by the banks of the River Carron eating peeled grapes and partaking of tea and scones.

For our scones, we are at the Plough Hotel. Circumstance had dictated that we were here for a function and as luck would have it, we found ourselves in the presence of scones. Our very happy waitress assured us that they had been baked that morning in their own kitchen so we were eager to try. They came with a wee pot of jam and a huge bowl of cream. This was both underkill and overkill all on one plate. They were nice enough but a bit on the sweet side for our taste. Good, but not quite a topscone.

Sticky stuff

Stenhousemuir is also famous for its football team and its cricket club. The football team, rather oddly, has lots of Norwegian fans who regularly travel over for the games. The stand is even called the Norway Stand.

Advert for McCowan's Highland Toffee — McCowan’s Toffee

Since 1922, of course, this was also the home of McCowan’s toffee factory, just across the road from the Plough Hotel. There can’t be many people in the UK who haven’t lost a filling or two while chewing on one of their Penny Dainties. They also famously produced the Wham bar and the Irn Bru bar.

Sadly, McCowan’s no longer exists but dentists everywhere can breathe a little easier. Not that we are breathing any easier. With Italy going into coronavirus lockdown we have just learned that the virus is sexist. It prefers to kill men … particularly men of a certain age … aarrgh!

FK5 4EY tel: 01324 570010 Plough Hotel

///cunning.aboard.onwards

Ordinary, Scones, self-service

Balcony Café

1 March 2020 billpaterson1@me.com 5 Comments

What with wall to wall coverage of the coronavirus and its possible development into a pandemic, we get the feeling that we should not really be travelling anywhere. In fact, we get the feeling that we should maybe go into self-quarantine behind boarded-up doors and windows. Given that ordinary flu kills thousands in the UK each year we can’t help feeling that the current hysteria is becoming a tad overhyped. However, after careful consideration we thought the short hop from Falkirk to Edinburgh would not breach any major international guidelines or regulations. We are so glad that we don’t have any coughs of sniffles at the moment, otherwise, I’m sure we would get an entire carriage to ourselves on the train. Anyway, happily, we made it to Edinburgh, the National Museum of Scotland and eventually to the Balcony Café.

All sorts

We have been here before on several occasions but it’s always full of surprises. Just when you think you have seen it all you turn a corner there is another cavernous hall packed with everything from elephants, totem poles, tyrannosaurs and lighthouses. But you’ve all been to museums like this before. What you really want to know about is the scone exhibits … right?

There are three restaurants that we know of here, there may be more. The Balcony Café is on the 3rd floor and the seating area is strung out along the length of the balcony in the grand hall. In common with lots of places like this, it’s self-service.

A gallery at the Nation Museum of Scotland — Another hall crammed with animals of every kind.

We got a couple of sandwiches and a scone to share. It was great to see that everything here, the butter, the jam, the cream were all from Scotland, See, it’s not difficult! We can never understand why big public institutions like the National Trust for Scotland don’t sell any Scottish stuff in their cafés. It’s always disappointing for visitors who come from far and wide to this wonderful country only to be served Irish, English, French or American products. Nothing wrong with the products per se … just not here where we have lots of our own top quality scone accompaniments.

We liked all the Scottish stuff but when we looked at the scone we had doubts. It appeared quite solid and slightly strange in colour. Once again, however, we had to eat our words as well as the scone. It was delicious! A little bit unusual in texture and with maybe a slight hint of ginger but none the worse for it. Had it not been for the rather surly self-service, this may well have been another topscone.

Globalisation

Visiting places like this museum does heighten your awareness of what a rich and varied world we live in. The rapid spread of the coronavirus outbreak also makes you aware of how small it is. Without the ease of travel, we have all come to enjoy over the past fifty or so years, the spread of viruses like this would be much easier to control. Greta Thunberg, leading a school strike in Brighton the other day, also makes you very aware of how delicate our tiny world is. When Pat and I were at school, large parts of the world were still unexplored. Now if someone sneezes in China we may all expect to be sneezing within days … that’s globalisation.

Assuming, for a moment that the world does survive, it’s still debatable if the UK is going to survive Brexit far less Megxit. On top of that, we now have the unprecedented exit of the previously unknown, Sir Philip Rutnam as boss of the Home Office to further complicate things. It was always on the cards when the odious Priti Patel was made Home Secretary, that this would happen. When we look around for someone to blame, of course, we need to look no further than ourselves … the voters. Not us, of course, we always vote correctly. Given the current state of play in the UK, moving around the museum gazing at all the past sophisticated, complex civilisations that have become extinct, it’s not exactly encouraging. Maybe if we buy a face mask everything will be fine?

EH1 1JF tel: 0131 247 4084 NMS

///ankle,drama.dine

Eagles

Ruling classes

Doubts creep in

Vandals

Honesty

Honourable?

Getting there

Sacre Bleu

Sheep talk

Telephone cables

Wilting

Tropical beaches

Multicultural

Rigours endured

Wishes

More of everything

Elephant’s sufficiency

Emotional times

Too little too late

Guy Fawkes and fake blondes

Winning bulls

Titanic

Colorado

Gratis scones

Sliced bread

Roman scones

Sticky stuff

All sorts

Globalisation

by Bill and Pat Paterson and is about finding good scones throughout the world, with a little bit of politics