Category Archives: Ordinary

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Ordinary, Scones

Antonio’s

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We just happened to be passing and because we had heard that Antonio’s had undergone a bit of a face lift we thought we should check it out. On our previous visit it was known as Antonio’s Deli. That was about a year and a half ago when we were concerned for the safety of our Australian friends as the whole country appeared to be consumed by flames. It was also before we had even heard of coronavirus and COVid-19. My, how times have changed … but would they have changed at Antonio’s as well?Internal view of Antonio's

Well, yes they had. The main dining area had been stripped back to the bare sandstone and was looking rather swish. It was full of customers when we arrived so we had to sit next door next to a counter full of delicious looking Italian cannoli biscuits.

Cannoli is a tube-shaped shell of deep fried pastry dough filled with slightly sweet and creamy filling, Enough of this temptation! We need to maintain discipline … we are here for the sconesInternal view of Antonio's

Carried away

One of the memorable things from our last visit was Alina. A lovely Rumanian lady who looked after us back then and she was still there, yeah! A scone at Antonio'sShe soon had us sorted out with some lunch and a scone which she offered to hold until after we were finished. She also said she would toast it for us as well. In spite of all this, however the scone did not quite hit the topscone grade. You can see from the picture that Pat got a bit carried away and cut it up before I was able to take a photograph. Years of training and for what?

Cannoli biscuits

Taking the biscuit

When I went to pay our bill, Alina gave us a wee box filled with cannoli biscuits … what a girl! And what did we do, we put the box down and then left without it. It wasn’t until we got home and looked at the pictures that we realised we had left it. I was so intent on waiting for a fleeting space in the traffic to get a picture that I hadn’t noticed Alina trying desperately to attract our attention. And then we just drove off.Alena trying to get my attention

When we realised what we had done we went straight back and Alina had put them to one side for us … what a girl!

logo for Antonio's

What a team! St Johnstone from Perth won the Scottish Cup earlier today playing against Hibernian from Edinburgh. St Johnstone have now picked up a host of trophies.  And all on a minuscule budget compared to the likes of Rangers and Celtic. Well done

Remember Palestine, remember COVID, yes, well tell the BBC. Since the Martin Bashir/Princess Diana story broke there has been nothing else on their news channels. The BBC are, of course, ashamed. Not at the story but the fact that they have been caught trying to cover it all up. Their polished exterior as the bastion of truth has been well and truly tarnished. Of course, anyone in Scotland will tell you that their so called impartial, truth-telling ethos was tarnished long before now. This is the self same corporation we all have to pay a fortune to every year for fear of ending up in jail if we don’t. Time for the BBC to have along hard look at how they do things and get themselves sorted out. Antonio’s has done it, so they can too!

FK1 1HR         tel: 01324 637000        Antonio’s FB

Ordinary, Scones

The Venue

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We are on the golf course today! Now those of you who know us are aware that that statement is nonsense. The Venue at the Braes Golf Centre is only a couple of miles from home yet we had never heard of it. Braes Golf Centre logoIn our defense, there are some mitigating circumstances. Until recently it was called Polmont Golf Course and it has moved from where it used to be. It is now located in Maddiston on the the high ground to the south of Falkirk. So they’ve moved it and changed the name … it’s almost as if they are trying to avoid us! It only came onto our radar because our Trossachs correspondents visited the Venue recently and were impressed with what was going on.

view of Braes Golf Centre
Work in progress, the course is yet to mature properly
Work in progress

The title picture is taken from the car park and as you can see the Venue is not exactly a thing of beauty. In fact, when we got chatting to the new owner, Steve Matthews, he called it a carbuncle. Steve is a brave guy. He has rescued the golf club mid-pandemic and has big plans to make it a goto golf destination. In the meantime it’s a work in progress.

External view of Braes Golf CentreInside there is a nice restaurant but because it was quite a good day we opted for the outdoor area. It is set up with picnic table type seating and has a couple of gazebos in case the weather should become inclement … perish the thought! It is located on top of a hill and Steve told us that there used to be three gazebos but the day before, one blew away. Now we understood  why there’s a huge windmill towering over the whole course.

Surprising

Obviously we were not here for the golf but on the way through the restaurant we did get our eye on some scones. a scone at Braes Golf CentreSteve had told us that, because they don’t have a full staff, they only had one chef and he was on a couple of days off. All they could do was coffee and cakes. A delightful young waitress looked after us and before long our scone arrived. Now we knew before we started that this was never going to be a topscone; no chef, so not particularly fresh; no cream and no Scottish butter. In addition we suspected that the apricot jam wasn’t from Scotland either!? Having said all that however, it was all surprisingly good.

If the welcome and the almost palpable energy is anything to go by The Venue and the Braes Golf Centre will be firmly back on the map very soon. We wish Steve and his team all the luck in the world.

External view of Braes Golf Centre
The Venue, from one the nine holes at the Braes Golf Centre
Save Scotland

Well the results of the Scottish elections are in and independence supporting parties now have a big majority at Holyrood. Will this make any difference? Of course not! The UK is now to be held together by force of law rather than consent. Westminster will not give the Scottish people a say in their own destiny. Apparently it is for our own good because we would never be able to manage our £40 billion deficit! This from a government with a  £2 trillion deficit.

Also, in spite of having 32% of the land and most of the natural resources we are too small to survive on our own. And in spite of having some of the best universities in the world we are also too stupid.  Thank goodness we have the BBC and Boris to save us from ourselves. Who would have thought that the fate of Scotland and its people would lie squarely in the hands of a super wealthy, over privileged blubbering idiot who is too frightened to even visit Scotland. Really, you couldn’t make it up!view of Braes Golf Centre

Ordinary, Scones, weird

The Granary Café

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Guess where we are? We’re out and about … yeah! Although we have been legally allowed to do this for a couple of weeks now we haven’t ventured very far. We thought we would just wait until all the excited crowds died down a wee bit. But today we are being super adventurous and have traveled all of six miles to the Granary Café in Linlithgow. Goodness, we were even on a motorway for all of half a mile … exciting!  After having been locked down for so long, however, it really did feel like an adventure! Finally out sconing again and acting on a  tip-off we received a couple of weeks back.

Big bad world

Our informant said that the scones at the Granary Café were worth checking out. Over the years we have visited several cafés in the town but it’s been such a long time, we couldn’t remember if the Granary was one of them. A quick search for ‘Linlithgow’ on allaboutthescones threw up seven we had already reviewed but the Granary wasn’t one. Okay, today was the day as we gently ventured forth once again into the big bad world.Exterior of the Granary Café

It was great to see everyone sitting in the sunshine at the pub next door but we were just revelling in the fact that we were able to sit inside and be served a scone by very helpful staff. Hoping for a choice of fruit or plain our waitress threw us a curved ball when she offered us a mango and coconut scone.  In the interests of scon ological research it had to be done … Pat opted for fruit.

Keeping it real

I would never normally go for hot chocolate but this offering seemed too good to miss so hot chocolate it was. Wow, as if just being out wasn’t enough!Real hot chocolate

We didn’t have long to wait before we realised our mistake.

A mango and coconut scone at the Granary Café
Mango and coconut scone

The scones looked fabulous but were of a size that meant we should have shared one between us. A topscone would have been nice to celebrate our first outing but sadly, it wasn’t to be. Although nice enough they were just too big for our liking and they didn’t actually taste as if they were freshly baked … Irish butter and no cream! A fruit scone at the Granary CaféNot to worry, the mango and coconut was good and a new experience but not one I would rush to repeat. The fruit scone was nice but Pat could only manage half.  The real hot chocolate?? Nice for a change but again not something I would make a habit of. In spite of all this carping we really enjoyed this place. It is well presented with an emphasis on healthy eating and the staff were super friendly. Many thanks to SS for the tip, we will be back.Interior of the Granary Café

Learning from history

Just a stone’s throw from the Granary lies the Cross Well. In 1650 it was badly damaged by the occupying forces of Oliver Cromwell. A tradition carried in 1746 when the Duke of Cumberland set fire to the Palace … just another stone’s throw away.

The Cross well in Linlithgow

You would think that Scots would have learned from this that, when it comes to looking after Scotland’s interests, those in the south are maybe not as good as the Scots themselves at making decisions in Scotland’s interest. In two days time Scotland goes to the polls, not to vote on independence but to hopefully start a process that will lead to Scots being able to make their own decisions. Only then we can strike up a proper relationship with our friends to the south .. one built on mutual respect and understanding. In the meantime we have to put up with another couple of days of Westminster’s Project Fear…scary!The sign for the Granary Café

People born in Linlithgow are known as Black Bitches. Alex Salmond was born in Linlithgow. Is that relevant? We’re not sure.

EH 49 7AQ            tel: 01506 253408          Granary Cafe

///riders.breeze.cooked

Ordinary, Scones

Klondyke Garden Centre

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Even though. we haven’t been able to travel much over the past year, it’s been eighteen months since we were last here at Klondyke Garden Centre … and it’s only five minutes away? A lot has happened in that time. Back then we were on a mission and the mission was … compost and lots of it! For reasons we can’t quite remember we likened the garden centre to a drug dealer dealing in compost … we must have been high on the stuff? This time we were also on a mission but now it was pot … a big black one to be precise! Back then the café was called the Topiary Coffee Shop but now it appeared to have changed its name to the Polmont Restaurant. We wondered if anything else had changed. Well, quite a lot actually. For a start, because of COVID regulations, the layout had been adapted with greater spacing and large perspex screens between the tables. What else?

External view of cafe at Klondyke Garden Centre

Wonders

Like everyone these days we are well used to scanning QR codes to give our contact details and get access to the menu. For us, however, this one was a bit different. Once you had done all that and got the menu up on screen you had to actually place your order and pay as well. Okey dokey! You’ve heard of the paperless office, well this was the waitressless café. Lunch and then a scone to share was what we wanted and, once we got the hang of it, the process was quite easy. We went through the menu and placed everything we wanted into our virtual basket, then we paid at the virtual checkout all rather familiar really. The wonders of QR (quick response) technology! And then we waited .. and waited … and waited.

No worries!

Twenty minutes later we realised other folks, who had come in after us, were getting food. Just then a lady appeared and asked if we had ordered. We said “yes” to which she asked “did you pay?” “Yes” to which she asked “did you use ApplePay?” “Yes” to which she replied “it didn’t work, can you check your bank account?” We did and there was no sign of the transaction. She then said “No worries, I can take your order, what did you want?” Argh! Having spent what seemed like half the day in the place we were no further forward. The wonders of QR technology!

Ordinary?

Never mind, everything would be fine when our food arrived and after a few more minutes it did. It was dumped on a table quite close to us in what was termed a “food drop zone”. Thankyou coronavirus, you have much to answer for. A scone at Klondyke Garden CentreLunch was mediocre at best and our scone came without the sharing plate we had asked for but by this time we were losing the will to live.

The scone had been hot when it reached the food drop zone but by the time we got to it, warmth was but a distant memory. Accompanied by the ubiquitous Tiptree jam (£0.50). Irish butter (£0.20) and a ‘healthy’ bowl of cream (£0.60), it wasn’t actually too bad in itself but probably more expensive than a Claridge’s scone. The overall experience had us scratching our heads trying to think of a categorisation below ‘ordinary’ but we gave up. We did get our big black pot though.

Deal or no deal

A big black hole might adequately describe the UK’s imminent departure from the EU. It was perfectly summed up the other day by a picture of Boris standing next to Ursula von der Leyen during BRexit talks. A bumbling shambolic mess standing next to a perfectly presented symbol of unity. We’ll leave you to work out which was which! Whatever happened to the “oven ready deal” Boris promised months ago or the “easiest deal in history” promised by Gove. Could it be that they are just pathological liars … perish the thought?

FK2 0XS          tel: 01324 717035          Klondyke

///jars.member.stamp

PS: Many thanks to our Middle East correspondent for sending us this link to the Irish Times about dialects in Eire. It uses the word ‘scone’ as an example.    “Picture a line across Ireland from Sligo through Leitrim and Cavan over to Louth. Below it, for most people, scone rhymes with ‘phone’; above it, with ‘gone’. Near the line, usage is more mixed. The line is an isogloss, like a weather-map isobar but showing where a linguistic feature stops or changes”. You see, sconology is not just about scones … now you’ve learned what an isogloss is. If you didn’t already know that is!

Our correspondent was mystified that his Granny always  insisted on  pronouncing her scones to rhyme with gone in spite of her being located in Dublin, well below that isogloss line. Heyho, well done Granny for impecable pronouncation! He also refers to her scones as “little miracles“, well done again Granny!

Ordinary, Scones

Cairnie Fruit Farm & Mega Maze

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What do you do on a cold day of torrential rain with five and seven year old granddaughters. Take them to the Cairnie Fruit Farm and Mega Maze …. of course! Secretly, we thought we might lose them in the maze and then sneak off for coffee and a scone while they tried to find their way out. The maze at Cairnie Fruit FarmIt turned out that the maze, in the shape of a sunflower, was carved into a field of corn-on-the-cob or maize … so it was actually a maize maze. Even an amazing maize maze because it was vast. It was also extremely muddy with the rain getting worse by the minute.

Inside the mazeNever mind we were sure the girls wouldn’t last more than a few minutes in these atrocious conditions. Not a bit of it, they were having a ball and, even after an hour, they were not in the least inclined to leave! On the other hand we were cold wet and only thinking of shelter and scones. Eventually we persuaded them to leave and we headed to the cafe.

Sooo Scottish

When we arrived the large car park was almost full, the adventure park was busy and the extensive cafe/shop was busy busy as well. Our daughter, who has been completely ruined by living in London, observed “This is sooo Scottish, what are all these people doing here in this weather?” Internal view of Cairnie Fruit FarmOf course, there were strict COVID regulations everywhere but we soon found one of their socially distanced tables and discarded our sodden outer garments.

A scone at Cairnie Fruit FarmAfter a bacon roll and some lovely hot coffee we shared a fruit scone with a little tub of Cairnie jam. Although there was no cream we thoroughly enjoyed it. Maybe it was just the relief of being somewhere warm and dry? The texture was good but, all things considered we decided it fell short of a topscone accolade.

More fun
Racing cars at Cairnie Fruit Farm
F1 at Cairnie

After we finished, guess what? The youngsters wanted to go back out to the adventure park. Helpless in the face of such excited unbridled enthusiasm … out we had to go. They went on the zip slide, roundabouts, racings cars and everything else. Now the rain was monsoon-like and we were soon back to being soaked and cold As far as the girls were concerned, however, you would have thought the sun was shining  … sodden but not a care in the world. It was all we could do to eventually cajole them back towards the car. Bribery may have been involved.

A week is a long time

A slide at Cairnie Fruit FarmAll in all, we had a wonderful day in spite of the elements throwing everything they could at us. Elsewhere, Trump and Biden have been throwing everything at the Presidential election. Today, however, is judgement day when voters go to the polls. Incredibly, fear of the democratic result has meant that much of the US is boarded up in anticipation of violence. Such are the divisions in the world’s most powerful country.

The result will probably not be known until the end of the week and by that time we may find ourselves in different circumstances. The UK, apart from maybe the NW of Scotland will be in lockdown. Also, because of the desperate events in Nice and Geneva the terrorist threat level in the UK will also have been increased. And who knows, Trump may still be in power.

The farmhouse at Cairnie Fruit Farm
Cairnie farm house
Thumbs up

In spite of everything we must stay optimistic and look after ourselves and those around us. Be cheerful! If a couple of kiddywinks can do it in a cold muddy maze we can all do it. 

KY15 4QD         tel: 01334 655610        Cairnie Fruit

Ordinary, Scones

Main Street Bakery

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Honestly, the things we do for our readers! Here we were in Callander attempting to expand your sconological knowledge and encountering great difficulties. Some of the cafés were closed, some were open but did’t do scones and others we had alraedy reviewed on previous occassions … argh! The weather was also being very Scottish. And you though this sconing malarkey was easy! Suffice to say, as we gambled merrily along Main Street, we came across the Main Street Bakery. No idea how it got that name!

Internal view of Main St Bakery
Who is that?
Café??

In the window they had a display of scones that looked quite good and a sign saying “fresh coffee”. Seemed worthy of investigation. Turned out it was tiny and because of COVID they were only allowed a maximum of two people in at a time. Gadzooks, there was already an elderly gentleman sitting there. He said he was leaving soon so we told him to hurry up so that we could get in. Okay, it wasn’t quite like that but he did kindly vacate the premises and we were in, yeagh!

A cheese scone for Pat and  fruit one for me. It soon became very obvious that this is a bakery with a coffee machine and not a café as such. COVID means they can’t put all the usual stuff out on the table. So while the seating area was being sanitised my scone was being buttered and jammed behind the bakery counter. Thank you COVID!!Main St Bakery logo

Rules and regulations

Tea for Pat and coffee for me. Tea was no problem but the lady said I would have to get my coffee from the machine?? A scone at Main St BakeryI said I would have tea instead but then she offered to make me a cup of instant. Instant it was. So there you have it! A pre-loaded scone, a polystyrene cup of instant coffee and some plastic cutlery. Bet you wish you had been there! To be fair the ladies keeping this place going were doing their best and we quite enjoyed being able to sit for a while and watch the world go by outside.

The coffee and the scone weren’t actually that bad but Claridges, it most certainly was not! No topscone here. While these ladies were looking after us they were also dealing with a constant stream of customers buying from the bakery. It gave us a pretty good insight into how the hospitality industry and everyone in it is having to adapt to weird circumstances.

Santa?

Andy Burnham has not been pushed out yet but his campaign to get increased support for Greater Manchester has had some effect. Internal view of Main St BakeryNow that London has become ‘high risk’ as well, support has been increased for this level … typical! Here in Scotland the lockdown restrictions have been increased and won’t be relaxed unti November at the earliest. We are starting to worry about Santa! How will he cope with all these restrictions? What happens if he catches coronavirus. Has Boris got a contingency plan for this looming crisis?  

The US Presidential election is also looming. As humble sconeys we are completely impartial and have no opinion one way or the other but please please don’t let it be Trump!

FK17 8BD           tel: 01877 330374        Main St Bakery FB

///spud.ooze.bothered

ps our Bathurst correspondent has been in touch to show us the excellent results of some homebaking and the effect of a sconefest on their friends. Looks like these were topscones!Bathurst scones, before and after

Following a recent article in the Sydney Morning Herald he has also announced that he and fellow correspondent, the New South Welshman, are inspired by scones to take on a new 400km bike trail. Australian cycle trail scones

They won’t be doing it until next year but we are already anticipating  some interesting Aussie scone reports. Good luck to both.

Ordinary, Scones

The Beech Tree Café

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Logo of the Beech Tree CaféAs of 6pm last night the whole central belt of Scotland went into lockdown again. Not quite as draconian as the previous one but pretty strict nevertheless. All licensed premises are closed and we are forbidden from visiting anyone else’s home. The rest of Scotland can still serve alcohol but only outdoors. This is Scotland at the end of October so they might as well close as well. We think that COVID is responsible for us developing an allergy … to the news! All these rules and regulations, facts and figures have started making us feel decidedly queezy.

Dunblane High Street
lower part of Dunblane High Street

It was a pleasure, therefore, to be out and wandering around in Dunblane’s High Street on a wonderful autumn day and ending up here at the Beech Tree Café.

We had parked in the High Street because there were no signs to say we couldn’t. Later, however, we spied a traffic warden putting tickets on cars … arggh! When we spoke to the him, however, he assured us we got the first hour free so we had time to go for a coffee. Sigh of relief but we couldn’t understand why there were no signs giving us this information. It wasn’t until we got home and were looking at the photos that we realised where we had gone wrong. I had taken a photo of this sign because I thought it was odd and hadn’t noticed the sign beneath it. Heyho! Still don’t know what a ‘comfort partner’ is but after all this parking stress I feel I need one.Internal view of the Beech Tree Café

Pixies

Anyway, the Beech Tree Café is definitely the place to destress. It has been going for seventeen years and is a family run affair. Sisters Trisha and Vicky. mum Wilma and Auntie Liz … otherwise known as “The Beech Tree Babes”. They don’t employ a chef but have pixies that come in every morning to prepare all the food from scratch. The pixies bake the scones as well … exciting! We think we were attended to by Wilma who refered to us as “my darlings”. We’re sure that nothing would ever get this lady down, she was irrepressibly welcoming and cheerful.

It was still morning so after a delicious brunch we asked for a fruit scone to share. We tend not to do morning scones but hey, what the hell, you have to take your chances in these uncertain times. It took a wee while to appear but then  we remembered “we don’t do fast food, we do fresh food as fast as we can” was their motto. When it did eventually appear we were more than a little astonished. A scone at the Beech Tree Café

It had been split into two halves and each half was already preloaded with jam and cream. And then some more cream and then a little bit more cream .. wow! Wilma put one half in front of Pat saying “ for my gorgeous girl” and then the other in front of me saying “for my gorgeous boy”. Well, blow me down! Pat gets that every day but no one has said that about me since my mother when I was about one year old. Topscone right away … for acute powers of observation if nothing else. I would have simply put it down to flattery if it hadn’t been so damned accurate!

Top or bottom?

Pat likes the top of the scone when we share but this time I got the top … first time ever! Thank you Wilma! Defo topscone! Steady on Bill, don’t get completely carried away! You all know by now our well documented views on preloaded scones so even though the scone itself was great and despite the compliments, we couldn’t really award a topscone, shame! When I was paying the bill Wilma slyly whispered with a wink “was there enough cream on your scone?” I think it was rhetorical. Anyway this gorgeous boy was very happy with his visit to the Beech Tree Café and wouldn’t hesitate to go back again … and neither would Pat.

Anticipation and miracles

Boris Johnson has made an announcement to say that he is going to make an announcement next week. Can’t wait, the anticipation is excrutiating! Also, after Trump declaring that God had saved him from coronavirus we’re pretty sure the world will have turned totally atheist by now! Having said that, we were well over our free hour by the time we got back to the car and we hadn’t got a ticket … thank you God?

FK15 0AA         tel: 01786 823451        Beech Tree FB

///acute.whisk.youthful

Ordinary, Scones

Porto & Fi Deli Bistro

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Porto & Fi logoOkay, okay, okay, we know what you’re thinking. How can we be sitting in Porto & Fi Deli Bistro munching scones after witnessing the US Presidential Debate. Of course it wasn’t actually a ‘debate’, more of a debacle of which any two self-respecting schoolboys would have been utterly ashamed. It reminded us of our last UK Johnson/Corbyn election … blithering idiot versus the unelectable. Since Trump wouldn’t last in a rational organised debate he adopted the only tactic open to him … unruly bully boy. In our eyes Biden probably squeezed it but only because he didn’t sink quite as low as his adversary. How come America is left having to choose between these two?

Entitlement

Back in the UK we like to think that things are a bit more civilised. However, the rules surrounding COVID have become so complex that no one, including Boris, understands them. Woe betide you should you break any of them (whatever they are), heavy fines if you live in England! Rules are rules … right? Well, not if you’re one of the entitled and titled folks who live in the Westminster bubble. Pubs across the land now have to close at 10pm but not the plethora of pubs and bars at Westminster? Face coverings have to be worn in taxis everywhere … except in chauffeur driven cars? These exceptions amply demonstrate the attitude of our ruling classes to the ordinary scone eating man in the street. Chaos in the US, chaos in the UK, a festering war erupting in Azerbaijan … it’s a wonderful world?

The view from Porto & Fi
View from Porto & Fi. The original harbour was created in 1504 to-build the warship Great Michael for the Royal Scottish Navy … imagine Scotland with its own navy!

Our chauffeur had the day off (he actually has every day off) so we had to drive ourselves the twenty miles to Newhaven in north Edinburgh to visit Porto & Fi Deli Bistro. ‘Porto’ refers to the harbour and ‘Fi’ refers to Fiona, the head chef. Many moons ago someone recommended this place but for the life of us we cannot remember who. We are indebted, however, because it’s great. Super to see it going like a fair and everyone being really respectful of everyone else in terms of face coverings, distancing etc. Internal view of Porto & FiThey have a thriving takeaway trade and a couple of tables outside on the pavement. However, although it was a glorious day, we were fortunate to get an inside table at a window … we could people watch while enjoying lunch. At one point a lady wandered past leading a totally suicidal looking bloodhound. It could have been joyous for all we know but how would you tell? First bloodhound we’ve seen in years.

French jam?

A scone at Porto & FiAfter a lunch of fish gougons, burgers and the most delicious curly chips we opted to share a fruit scone with our tea. Unfortunately this was where a little bit of negativity crept in. The scone iteslf was lovely and warm and had a nice crunchiness to it. They don’t do cream, however, and on top of that it was accompanied by Irish butter and French jam. Mamamia!! After careful consideration we decided there were too many downsides to award a topscone .., shame! We will be back though … breakfasts look fab!

Breeks

Newhaven fishery c1840
Fisherboy wearings his father’s breeks

From a personal point of view Newhaven is famous for the photographs of Robert Adamson and Octavious Hill. They documented life in the town in the 1840s when photography was real photography. None of this fandangled digital stuff back then! In spite of all the difficulties experienced by such early pioneers they still delivered some fabulous images of the people and times. They remind us that, considering I never had to wear my father’s trousers, perhaps the world we live in today isn’t that bad after all. Many thanks Porto & Fi, we really enjoyed our visit. Just take a look at your scone accoutrements and you will be perfect.

EH6 4NQ        tel: 0131 551 1900         Porto & Fi

///urgent.zeal.occurs

Ordinary, Scones

The Orangery at Victoria Square

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We know, it’s been some time since our last post. And before we’re accused of bone idleness it’s because we’ve been busy with other things. Pathetic we know, we should sort out our priorities! We haven’t quite started galavanting yet so this foray to The Orangery at Victoria Square, in Stirling, seemed like a good, if still slightly tentative step, into the big bad world of coronavirus sconology.

It was recommended by the Laird, a valued correspondent of long standing. His full title is the Laird of Dumyat (pronounced dum-eye-at),  a piece of land on which he has, built a 1300ft mountain …  a kind of mountainette. Thankfully, we don’t think he has any connection with the Lascivious Laird of Kippendavie who lorded it over a neighbouring property around 1765. The genteel and wholesome nature of this blog forbids us from entering into further detail.External view of Victoria Square For being retired and supposedly having nothing to do we seem to find it remarkably difficult to fit everything in. The stress, the stress! The idea of visiting this place was that it should provide an hour or two of blessed peace and tranquillity. Happily, we can report that it did just that. It did so in spades! “Can you just get on with it, what about the scones?” we hear you cry.

The rules, the rules

Bear with us a little, remember this is a COVID scone. Sign for Victoria Square Guest HouseThis is a guest house and of course, we were interested to find out how they had fared over the past few months. Unsurprisingly, “with great difficulty” was the answer. What guests they have had have been from the UK with one or two from Germany. Our host apologised for being unable to take our jackets but of course, that is no longer allowed. The Orangery is a fine dining restaurant but with only one chef allowed in the kitchen at a time, even that is difficult. The whole situation was kind of summed when she said to no one in particular “it’s quiet without the music … we can’t even have that!” 

Yes, music, singing and dancing are all forbidden. Living under COVID is akin to living under the Free Church of Scotland … you can do anything you like as long as you don’t enjoy yourself. We were enjoying ourselves immensely and fully expected thunderbolts. The lack of music meant that we could listen to other people’s conversation … sadly, none worth reporting.

Picture of a Highland cowWe also never thought we would ever find ourselves having to apologise to an entire breed of cattle. On the wall overlooking our table was this picture which we thought reminded us of Boris. We sincerely apologise to Highland cattle everywhere, it was the horns that did it.

The scones, the scones

 Okay, the scones were presented, not on the usual tiered cake stand but on a large china platter. Afternoon tea at Victoria SquareOne platter each. Only one scone each and it was, what was referred to as a “mini-scone”, can you spot it? You’re aware that we don’t really go for big scones but this even got us thinking about introducing a new ‘diminutive scone’ category.

Everything is prepared and baked inhouse and it was all wonderful. When it came to judging the scone however we felt that there was a little something missing … salt perhaps? Nice but no nice enough for a topscone. Pity, because we liked everything about this place and would love to return in better times.Internal view of Victoria Square

Hash, hash, hash!

As the UK considers going back into full lockdown again, Boris continues to hash his way through the crisis declaring that everything they are doing is “world-beating“. His “oven-ready” deal with the EU turns out to be missing most of the ingredients and now he is threatening to break an International Treaty he signed up to only months ago. Simultaneously, he is managing to make a hash of the UK as a Union of Nations. He hates devolution so much that he, in his muddled up thinking, sees Brexit as the perfect excuse to seize back devolved powers to Westminster. We really do apologise to Highland cattle everywhere!

On a more upbeat note, we see that Barbados has finally decided to come of age with its decision to drop the Queen as their head of state. Well done Barbados! Scotland can’t even govern itself never mind make grown-up decisions like that.

FK8 2QZ      tel: 01786 473920        The Orangery

///skirt.pretty.pens

Ordinary, Scones

The Lodge at Loch Lomond

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Woohoo, we’re out and about again! Yeah! Mind you if hadn’t been for an invitation to a champagne afternoon tea by our grandbrats we might not have been. Still not feeling as adventurous as we used to be. It is obviously going to take a wee bit more time to get fully back in the swing. Anyway, they phoned to say that they were at the Lodge on Loch Lomond and would we like to join them? It was a lovely day so we jumped in the car and were off on the longest journey we have undertaken since March when we were in Tobermory on the Isle of Mull. This trip was only going to take an hour or so but it still seemed like an exciting mini-adventure after COVID incarceration.

Internal view of the Lodge at Loch Lomond
Colquhoun’s Restaurant overlooking the loch
Take the High Road

The Lodge on the Loch Lomond is situated in the picturesque village of Luss. This was where the now-defunct Scottish soap opera Take The High Road was set. The area around the loch is always busy. In normal times Luss has so many tourists it’s really best avoided. Amazingly it was still extremely busy and very few visitors appeared to be from Britain. Considering the coronavirus travel restrictions the country is currently facing we have no idea how they got here or how they’re getting back? When we arrived at the Lodge we were ushered into Colquhoun’s Restaurant. The name made me think of my mother.

Desperate situation strategy

During WWII she drove timber lorries up and down Loch Lomondside. The twisty road is torturous, to say the least, so this was cause for wonderment by everyone who knew her … especially my father when she drove his car through the end of the garage. Anyway, she stopped her truck one day and climbed over the wall into Luss Estate to pick some daffodils. No sooner had she done so than she was apprehended by none other than Sir Ivar Colquhoun, 7th Baronet and Chief of Clan Colquhoun. He told her in no uncertain terms that not only was she on the wrong side of the wall stealing his flowers but also trespassing on one of his 44,000 acres. Mum always responded to all such desperate situations in the same way … by dissolving in a fit of helpless giggles. This highly successful strategy served her well throughout her life. It got her out of many scrapes where the accuser just gave up in bewilderment.

View from Colquhoun's restaurant
View from Colquhoun’s Restaurant
Delegation

Anyway, after some initial miscommunication problems, we were eventually settled down with our afternoon tea. It was delightful to sip bubbles, eat sandwiches and cakes while watching the swimmers, canoeists and paddleboarders exerting a bit more energy outside on the loch. Delegating exercise suits us very well. View from Colquhoun's restaurantSometimes the happy scene was enhanced with the addition of a cruise boat or a pedalo, escaped from a neighbouring beach. However, it was the scones that were getting most of our attention.

Skinny dipping

This would be our first non-Falkirk scone since lockdown and they looked very inviting. Afternoon tea at Colquhoun's restaurantWe had a plain scone and fruit scone between the two of us so it was half each. There was nice little pots of cream and strawberry jam … no prepackaged stuff here. All presented in a kind of birdcage contraption, presumably to stop the scones escaping? The cakes, the sandwiches and the scones were all great.  However, after some deliberation and taking the service problems into account, we eventually decided that the scones fell ever so slightly short of topscone. Pity, it would have been nice to have awarded a topscone on our first real outing in months.

bonnie bonnie bums of Loch Lomond
by the bonnie bonnie bums of Loch Lomond

All in all a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon so many thanks to all concerned. Afterwards, the kids expended some of their boundless energy with a dip in the loch.

In the news, Boris Johson has ended his camping holiday near Applecross after only three days. Hard enough to believe that he actually chose friendless Scotland in the first place never mind the fact that he then pitched his bell tent without permission on someone else’s land. Kind of says it all really.

G83 8PA          tel: 01436 860201         Colquhoun’s Restaurant

///disprove.enormous.ballroom

ps: Our Bathurst correspondent has come back with more comment and another poem. Is there no end to these Aussie’s talents?

“Bill alleges that we Aussies should rejoice, as we are heading into spring and summer, while you Scots are looking down the barrel of winter.  All very well, but the weather here in Bathurst this past week has been atrocious.  Rain, wind, even a dash of snow. Why, yesterday it was so cold the maximum temperature was 2 degrees lower than the minimum.  But, on the brighter side, this weather reminds us of our previous biannual visits to our daughter and family in Strathkinness. Something that is unlikely to be repeated anytime soon.

Enough of that, let’s get on with another poem. The penning of which has been made easier by being stuck indoors all day. For this poem, I have resorted to Sam T Coleridge for inspiration.”

POEM

Andy Young's poem

Never thought that Coleridge would get a mention in allaboutthescones.com. But when you consider that he spent many years living with the Wordsworths in the Lake District, we’re sure he would have enjoyed many a scone. And he would be proud to still be inspiring scone poets today. Many thanks to A & J.

On our way home from the Lodge at Loch Lomond we came across this fully operational K6 telephone box at Balquidder. Legend has it that Rob Roy used it regularly.A K6 at Balquidder