Porto & Fi Deli Bistro

Porto & Fi logoOkay, okay, okay, we know what you’re thinking. How can we be sitting in Porto & Fi Deli Bistro munching scones after witnessing the US Presidential Debate. Of course it wasn’t actually a ‘debate’, more of a debacle of which any two self-respecting schoolboys would have been utterly ashamed. It reminded us of our last UK Johnson/Corbyn election … blithering idiot versus the unelectable. Since Trump wouldn’t last in a rational organised debate he adopted the only tactic open to him … unruly bully boy. In our eyes Biden probably squeezed it but only because he didn’t sink quite as low as his adversary. How come America is left having to choose between these two?

Entitlement

Back in the UK we like to think that things are a bit more civilised. However, the rules surrounding COVID have become so complex that no one, including Boris, understands them. Woe betide you should you break any of them (whatever they are), heavy fines if you live in England! Rules are rules … right? Well, not if you’re one of the entitled and titled folks who live in the Westminster bubble. Pubs across the land now have to close at 10pm but not the plethora of pubs and bars at Westminster? Face coverings have to be worn in taxis everywhere … except in chauffeur driven cars? These exceptions amply demonstrate the attitude of our ruling classes to the ordinary scone eating man in the street. Chaos in the US, chaos in the UK, a festering war erupting in Azerbaijan … it’s a wonderful world?

The view from Porto & Fi
View from Porto & Fi. The original harbour was created in 1504 to-build the warship Great Michael for the Royal Scottish Navy … imagine Scotland with its own navy!

Our chauffeur had the day off (he actually has every day off) so we had to drive ourselves the twenty miles to Newhaven in north Edinburgh to visit Porto & Fi Deli Bistro. ‘Porto’ refers to the harbour and ‘Fi’ refers to Fiona, the head chef. Many moons ago someone recommended this place but for the life of us we cannot remember who. We are indebted, however, because it’s great. Super to see it going like a fair and everyone being really respectful of everyone else in terms of face coverings, distancing etc. Internal view of Porto & FiThey have a thriving takeaway trade and a couple of tables outside on the pavement. However, although it was a glorious day, we were fortunate to get an inside table at a window … we could people watch while enjoying lunch. At one point a lady wandered past leading a totally suicidal looking bloodhound. It could have been joyous for all we know but how would you tell? First bloodhound we’ve seen in years.

French jam?

A scone at Porto & FiAfter a lunch of fish gougons, burgers and the most delicious curly chips we opted to share a fruit scone with our tea. Unfortunately this was where a little bit of negativity crept in. The scone iteslf was lovely and warm and had a nice crunchiness to it. They don’t do cream, however, and on top of that it was accompanied by Irish butter and French jam. Mamamia!! After careful consideration we decided there were too many downsides to award a topscone .., shame! We will be back though … breakfasts look fab!

Breeks
Newhaven fishery c1840
Fisherboy wearings his father’s breeks

From a personal point of view Newhaven is famous for the photographs of Robert Adamson and Octavious Hill. They documented life in the town in the 1840s when photography was real photography. None of this fandangled digital stuff back then! In spite of all the difficulties experienced by such early pioneers they still delivered some fabulous images of the people and times. They remind us that, considering I never had to wear my father’s trousers, perhaps the world we live in today isn’t that bad after all. Many thanks Porto & Fi, we really enjoyed our visit. Just take a look at your scone accoutrements and you will be perfect.

EH6 4NQ        tel: 0131 551 1900         Porto & Fi

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The Little Big Dairy Company

The Little Big Dairy logoThis post is slightly different.  It doesn’t actually involve any scones directly but rather indicates how to ensure your scone is spoilt rotten by treating it and yourself to some real cream. It’s all part of sconology. According to our New South Welshman correspondent (rides shotgun for our Bathurst correspondent), cream doesn’t come any better than that produced by the Little Big Dairy Company and its herd of 800 Holstein cows. In his own words, here’s why:

“The first Saturday in September is Father’s Day in New South Wales (remember we are no longer Australians, but a collection of warring states). Little big Australian real creamYour Bathurst corespondent’s loving daughter presented a most wonderful jar of health-giving cream, from a small family-owned ethical dairy. Food for thought.  In my childhood milk was extracted from a happy cow, placed in a large bowl in the fridge, and later the cream scooped from the top with a large spoon. Oh, bliss!   Occasionally a separator was used— awful to wash up.  At the same time, most farm kids had lumps or scars in their necks from bovine TB. Scottish milk was described (in Microbiology lectures in the late 1960s) as “ Tuberculous Pus”

Public health rules have undoubtedly produced many benefits, but pondering the origins of our food is important. Most milk in Western countries is now produced in industrial factories. Cows in sheds, no sunshine, no happy days playing in green grass. Cream emerges from the end of a factory, great distances from the cow

Jam on top?
Little big Australian real cream
Stand your spoon up cream

Your Bathurst correspondent was in heaven eating his ethical cream on fresh scones. (It’s so thick it must be eaten in the Devon way— cream first, jam on top — even if YOUR Queen disagrees). Pay a bit more, get the real stuff”.

Fantastic, more power to the Little Big Dairy Company! However, we may have to agree with Her Majesty about cream placement … no matter how thick it is! We would like to say that we were not around in the 60s to enjoy “ Tuberculous Pus” but of course we were. Happily, we can report wonderful silky smooth necks though some say that’s due to continuous use of Brasso. Unfortunately, for most readers, you have to live in New South Wales to enjoy the benefits of the Little Big Dairy Company’s produce. In this globalised world, however, it would not surprise us if someone started importing Little Big cream to the UK. Crikey, we complain about Scotland importing Rodda’s Cornish cream.

Good riddance

He also comments on some political news. Even though he says Australia is now a collection of warring states they all seem to have come together in a show of unity to say “good riddance” to former Prime Minister of Australia, Tony Abbott. In case you don’t know, in yet another of Boris’s brain farts, he has appointed Abbott as an official trade adviser to the UK. “Thank you so much for taking Tony Abbott off our hands. If “ The Mad Monk “ is your answer, what is your question??   Our pugilistic, misogynist, climate change denying, failed ex-Prime Minister will happily negotiate away anything you value. Goodbye NHS, affordable pharmaceuticals, any health, ethical or environmental regulations. Welcome chlorinated chicken and any man-made toxin now banned in the EU. Please keep him. He and Boris obviously get on very well.”

Mystery?

No wonder they get on very well! Boris Johnson says that Abbott was elected by the “great liberal democratic nation of Australia”, but he fails to note that Abbott broke almost every election promise he ever made. Abbott reckons climate change is “absolute crap” and as far as we know he has never negotiated a trade deal in his life. Maybe Boris just wants some advice on how to cope with being ditched after only one term in government. How do eejits like Abbott, Johnson and Trump get elected to the highest office in the first place? It’s a mystery! It’s unbelievable!

Our New South Welshman ends reassuringly: “We are surviving well by finding small pleasures in life, like a shared liking of scones”. Nice to think that on the opposite side of the world we are surviving in exactly the same way. Many thanks JB, keep up the good work.

Dubbo NSW 2830           tel: +61 02 6887 3443          Little Big Dairy

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K2 telephone box
FMF hope to persuade BT to reinstall a K2 in the High Street … the only K2 in Scotland.

ps: Our telephone box enthusiasts will be pleased to hear that our little organisation Falkirk Made Friends (FMF) have convinced BT to take away all removal notices from the town’s telephone boxes and persuaded the local Council to adopt three of them. Falkirk manufactured the first K2 boxes in 1926 and, over the years, most of the subsequent K4s and K6s. The town was within a week or so of completely losing this iconic symbol of its industrial heritage. There is much more work still to be done to ensure their future in the form of an Iron Heritage Trail. In the meantime, we would be grateful for photographs of telephone boxes from anywhere in the world.

The Orangery at Victoria Square

We know, it’s been some time since our last post. And before we’re accused of bone idleness it’s because we’ve been busy with other things. Pathetic we know, we should sort out our priorities! We haven’t quite started galavanting yet so this foray to The Orangery at Victoria Square, in Stirling, seemed like a good, if still slightly tentative step, into the big bad world of coronavirus sconology.

It was recommended by the Laird, a valued correspondent of long standing. His full title is the Laird of Dumyat (pronounced dum-eye-at),  a piece of land on which he has, built a 1300ft mountain …  a kind of mountainette. Thankfully, we don’t think he has any connection with the Lascivious Laird of Kippendavie who lorded it over a neighbouring property around 1765. The genteel and wholesome nature of this blog forbids us from entering into further detail.External view of Victoria Square For being retired and supposedly having nothing to do we seem to find it remarkably difficult to fit everything in. The stress, the stress! The idea of visiting this place was that it should provide an hour or two of blessed peace and tranquillity. Happily, we can report that it did just that. It did so in spades! “Can you just get on with it, what about the scones?” we hear you cry.

The rules, the rules

Bear with us a little, remember this is a COVID scone. Sign for Victoria Square Guest HouseThis is a guest house and of course, we were interested to find out how they had fared over the past few months. Unsurprisingly, “with great difficulty” was the answer. What guests they have had have been from the UK with one or two from Germany. Our host apologised for being unable to take our jackets but of course, that is no longer allowed. The Orangery is a fine dining restaurant but with only one chef allowed in the kitchen at a time, even that is difficult. The whole situation was kind of summed when she said to no one in particular “it’s quiet without the music … we can’t even have that!” 

Yes, music, singing and dancing are all forbidden. Living under COVID is akin to living under the Free Church of Scotland … you can do anything you like as long as you don’t enjoy yourself. We were enjoying ourselves immensely and fully expected thunderbolts. The lack of music meant that we could listen to other people’s conversation … sadly, none worth reporting.

Picture of a Highland cowWe also never thought we would ever find ourselves having to apologise to an entire breed of cattle. On the wall overlooking our table was this picture which we thought reminded us of Boris. We sincerely apologise to Highland cattle everywhere, it was the horns that did it.

The scones, the scones

 Okay, the scones were presented, not on the usual tiered cake stand but on a large china platter. Afternoon tea at Victoria SquareOne platter each. Only one scone each and it was, what was referred to as a “mini-scone”, can you spot it? You’re aware that we don’t really go for big scones but this even got us thinking about introducing a new ‘diminutive scone’ category.

Everything is prepared and baked inhouse and it was all wonderful. When it came to judging the scone however we felt that there was a little something missing … salt perhaps? Nice but no nice enough for a topscone. Pity, because we liked everything about this place and would love to return in better times.Internal view of Victoria Square

Hash, hash, hash!

As the UK considers going back into full lockdown again, Boris continues to hash his way through the crisis declaring that everything they are doing is “world-beating“. His “oven-ready” deal with the EU turns out to be missing most of the ingredients and now he is threatening to break an International Treaty he signed up to only months ago. Simultaneously, he is managing to make a hash of the UK as a Union of Nations. He hates devolution so much that he, in his muddled up thinking, sees Brexit as the perfect excuse to seize back devolved powers to Westminster. We really do apologise to Highland cattle everywhere!

On a more upbeat note, we see that Barbados has finally decided to come of age with its decision to drop the Queen as their head of state. Well done Barbados! Scotland can’t even govern itself never mind make grown-up decisions like that.

FK8 2QZ      tel: 01786 473920        The Orangery

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