The Artisan Café lies halfway between Crianlarich and Tyndrum in what used to be the Old Church.  It could easily be described as being in the middle of nowhere and as a consequence, you could easily think that nothing much has ever happened here. However, you would be wrong!

The glen is Strathfillan, so-called because Fillan brought Christianity to the area in the 8th century from Iona. He had come from Ireland and had run a monastery in Fife before retiring to this area.

Dunking mad folk?

Apparently he was quite a guy. His left arm glowed which meant that he could write scriptures in the dark. He’s also the patron saint of the mentally ill. Such people would be dipped in St Fillan’s Pool in the Fillan river just behind the church and left tied up naked overnight. A cure had been achieved if the bonds were loosened by the morning. If not the process was repeated. He also persuaded the wolf that killed his ox to pull his plough instead of the ox. Where is St Fillan now, in our time of need? He would have made short work of a puny virus. And no, even after a prolonged period of self-isolation, we are not here to be dunked and tied up naked. Just a scone. We are not here at all, of course, all this was before the lockdown.

Having said that we could also be here to pan for gold. Considering the stock market has gone through the floor and the price of gold has rocketed, that’s not such a daft idea. The nearby Cononish gold mine is Scotland’s only commercial gold mine. In 1306, Robert the Bruce was given sanctuary here after he had murdered his rival for the crown, John Comyn, in a Dumfries church . He was tracked down, however, and had to flee when encountering vastly superior forces at nearby Dalrigh, the King’s Field. So, over time, quite a lot has happened in this tranquil little Highland glen but the most recent development has been this Artisan Café. It first opened about two years ago.

Fresh food

The interior is as you would expect of a disused church. Lofty ceilings and plenty of space. There could easily be a mezzanine floor if they ever wanted to expand. It’s called the Artisan Café because it has lots of craft type things for sale, mostly by local artists. There’s stuff all over the place which tends to give it a slightly cluttered appearance. We were given a warm welcome though and shown to a seat beside the log burning stove. Everything is freshly made here on the premises so we were looking forward to sampling some of the food.

Pat opted for ‘soup and a scone’ which turned out to be absolutely delicious. I had decided on caulifower and brocolli soup with a sandwich followed by a fruit scone and coffee. It was also delicious. We have to hand it to folks who start up a business like this in these remote parts. Their business will have been closed for several weeks now because of the coronavirus which must be heartbreaking. They got a topscone though so hopefully we will be able to look in again at some future date and get another one.

Confidence in government?

As the date for the return to normality recedes ever further into the distance we have little choice but to knuckle down and get on with it. It doesn’t help though when this lamentable government resorts to outright misinformation. Yesterday, the even more lamentable Michael Gove tried to blame the lack of COVID-19 testing on a shortage of the necessary reagents. Something which the industry point bland denies. No shortage Michael, just a government asleep on the job.

Habit

Talking of sleep, strange things happen when you are in lockdown. Every night before bed I take the change from my pocket and place it on the bedside table. Every morning I lift it and put it back in my pocket. It’s a habit! I just noticed, however, that the total amount is £10.36 … two £5 notes, one 20p, one 10p, one 5p and one 1p. It’s been that for almost three weeks. Self-isolation is cheap if nothing else! So why do I still do it? Answers on a postcard.

FK20 8RU.     tel: 01838 400391            Artisan

///brightens.confused.blackouts

ps: We are indebted to some of our Aussie correspondents (these ones are from Perth)  who have sent this movie of a live scone review caught on camera. This is footage which we think David Attenborough would be proud of. Filmed by the intrepid Mairi in the Café Red at Ricardoes tomato & strawberry farm near Port Macquarie in New South Wales. Strange in that we were, very recently, at Lachlan Macquarie’s grave on the Isle of Mull.

Elaine’s date and ginger scone definitely got the thumbs up. However, although an acknowledged expert on lamb chops and banana splits, John’s lack of experience with scones showed when his initially 10 out of 10 rating for his pumpkin scone was later downgraded to ‘rubbish’. Let that be a lesson. You can’t rush a scone tasting!