Monthly Archives: January 2020

Scones, Top

Simply Sarah’s

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Okay, hands up, we are as bad as Boris when it comes to telling porkies. Having told readers that Norton House would be our last post from Europe here we are sending another! The difference between our porky pies and Boris’s is that ours are purely accidental. Maybe Boris has had an advance batch of the new Liar Wine being launched tomorrow to celebrate our departure from the EU. We honestly did not think we would be posting another scone so soon but here we are at Simply Sarah’s doing just that.

Closing early

On this rather wet day, we found ourselves in Doune shopping in one of Pat’s favourite shops. On the way into the shop, we suddenly realised there was a café almost next door. We had always thought of Doune as being a one-café (the Buttercup Cafe ) village but had never noticed Simply Sarah’s. It’s tiny, maybe that’s why! It had to be done.

Internal view of Simply Sarah's in DouneWhen we say tiny, we mean tiny. Two small tables and a grand total of four seats. Cat swinging is not advised! You might think that this is about as far away as you can get from the Norton House. Well, in many ways it is, however, don’t be so hasty. Sarah is a classically trained chef who used to work in the upmarket  Cromlix House Hotel before it was taken over by Andy Murray … and her experience shows.

We arrived at 2.45 and were warmly welcomed by Sarah. She also warned us that she had to close at 3.00 to go and pick her kiddy up from school. Being the only ones in we had our pick of the tables. We used both! There were two scones left which she had baked earlier in the day. Time was tight but we thought there was just enough to relieve her of those scones and still let her get away.

Prejudices

When the scones came, however, she had preloaded them with butter and jam… no cream. A scone at Simply Sarah'sReaders are probably weary of hearing us bleat on about preloaded scones and places that don’t have cream. Normally these two things alone would bar them from the topscone category. Here, however, at Simply Sarah’s we have decided to throw all these silly prejudices overboard because the scones were sooo good. Soft in the middle and just the right of crunch on the outside. On the strength of the scones, we bought a couple of Sarah’s homemade pies. It turned out that we had plenty of time for our scones. This hard-working lady was busy shutting up shop as we left so we hope she wasn’t late for pickup.Internal view of Simply Sarah's in Doune

Leave the light on

In about nine hours from writing this, we will be out of Europe and bobbing about uncontrollably on a sea of uncertainty like some unsavoury piece of flotsam. Okay, maybe not immediately as we still have the 12 month transition period to get through. But still it will be momentous for all the wrong reasons. The world’s media is descending on Scotland to see how this historic event is commemorated. Don’t expect fireworks here. Brexit has beautifully highlighted Scotland’s democratic deficit. People across the globe now understand the country’s plight better than ever before. Scots are proud Europeans but at 11pm tonight we must prepare to have that part of our national identity forcibly removed.

Perhaps all is not lost, however. As British MEPs were leaving the European Parliament last Wednesday there was a rousing chorus of that quintessentially Scottish song, Auld Lang Syne, accompanied by a promise to ‘”leave the light for Scotland” so it can find its way home. The Scottish Parliament has also refused to lower the EU flag as a symbol to those EU citizens living here that they are still welcome.

Who ate all the pies?

Pies, not the porky pies but the steak and the coronation chicken pies we bought at Simply Sarah’s have since been scoffed. Simply Sarah’s pies are simply the best!

FK16 6BY     tel: 01786 842304       Simply Sarah’s FB

///anchovies.fastening.origin

ps Thanks go to our Oregon correspondents who have informed us that they make vegan scones from recipes in Realm magazine. while listening to the music of Dougie MacLean.

Scones in Realm magasine
Realm magazine

However, they are concerned that the neighbours might start complaining about the Scots balladeer. Now we just happen to know that their garden in Lebanon is huge so they must have Dougie cranked up pretty loud. Anyway, for us, it conjures up a wonderful image of scones being baked to the strains of Caledonia. They must be full of Scottish goodness! Do any other readers have favourite scone making music? This is ours, you may remember it from a previous post at Sarocha’s Cafe, click here to remind yourself of its brilliance.

Scones, Top

Norton House Hotel

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Faced with the prospect of finishing January 2020 and leaving the EU without bringing our readers a topscone prompted us to give ourselves a shake and try a bit harder. Hence you find us here at Norton House Hotel on the outskirts of Edinburgh. We have passed it a million times before while dropping folk off at the airport or picking them up.  Never before had it occurred to us to turn off and take the long driveway leading to the hotel. Today, however, we thought a place like this might just put a stop to our topscone famine.

Rings of growth

The rather grand building was constructed in 1840 but no one seems to know who or why it was built. Not until 43 years later, when it was bought by John Usher, does it feature anywhere at all. Usher, had a large brewing company and sucked up to the establishment sufficiently to be made a Baronet in 1899. The house remained in the family until 1951 when the 3rd Baronet of Norton died. It then became a hotel.

Tree ring tableDuring all that time a beech tree, planted around 1810, stood near the house until it fell during a storm in 2017. The hotel manager, a keen woodworker, fashioned this table from it and inscribed it with notable events on the appropriate growth rings. Here is a small selection of the events he chose:

  • 1821 Napoleon dies
  • 1826 Harry Houdini was born
  • 1834 Slavery abolished
  • 1845 Irish potato famine
  • 1865 Abraham Lincoln dies and Alice in Wonderland published
  • 1887 the light bulb was invented
  • 1883 Treasure Island published
  • 1904 hamburger invented
  • 1914 World War I
  • 1922 Birds Eye frozen foods founded
  • 1933 King Kong climbs the Empire State Building
  • 1939 World War II
  • 1972 birth of Michael Sanchez
  • 1976 1st Apple computer
  • 1986 Glasnost

To think that all this happened during this tree’s lifetime somehow brings distant historical events a bit closer. Michael Sanchez, by the way, is the aforementioned manager.  Anyway enough of all that.Internal view of Norton House Hotel

Cream tea

As expected, this is a nice place. We were shown to a table in a comfortable light and bright lounge. After a spot of lunch, we ordered a cream tea to share. Cream tea at Norton House HotelThe young man looking after us had explained that a cream tea came with two scones … one fruit, the other plain. When it arrived we could see that the scones were just the right size and they were even accompanied by a couple of delicious-looking oaten biscuits. Lots of jam containing whole strawberries and a healthy bowl of clotted cream. Hopes were high! Happily, the whole thing lived up to expectations. At last, an easy topscone and as such the first of the year and the decade. Not expensive either, our total bill came to £13.50.

The end is nigh!

Of course, it may also be the last scone we can send you from Europe. On Friday we will be floated off into the Atlantic away from the warm embrace of our European friends on a journey to who knows where. Perhaps our old Commonwealth friends will look after us if any of them have memories with a scintilla of fondness?

Brexit has been financed by a few billionaires who stand to profit handsomely while squirreling away ill-gotten gains offshore. The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer. No change then?

As a slight aside, I came across the life expectancy of people named Norton … don’t ask. The average life expectancy of a Norton in 1941 was 39, and 75 in 2004. Well done the Nortons and well done Norton House Hotel for letting us leave Europe on a topscone high. Farewell Europe, perhaps we will meet again someday?

EH28 8LX         tel: 0131 333 1275             Norton House

///doors.juggle.corrects

O'Connel Café scones in Australiaps Recently we have been in touch with many friends down under in an effort to find out if they are escaping the effects of the horrendous bush fires. Thankfully they’re all okay but, like us, dismayed at the colossal destruction. Some have even sent pictures to show that amidst all the adversity scones continue to provide a modicum of comfort. Our Bathurst correspondents sent this from the O’Connell Avenue Café. Where there are scones, there’s hope!

Ordinary, Scones

Café in the Kirk

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Recently, we have come to the conclusion that we could do this blog without ever having to leave our home town of Falkirk. Every time we turn our back, a new cafe or restaurant pops up. Okay, slight exaggeration but only slight. This post from the Café in the Kirk is a typical example.

The Speckled Church

Café in the Kirk has been on the go for a few years, however, not being noted for our religiosity, it just hadn’t registered. Today, however, was the day! Falkirk Trinity Church itself came about fairly recently when three churches merged their congregations … hence the name. A sign of the times, no doubt. Before that, it was the Old Parish Church, a place of worship since the 7th century. Back then it was known as the ‘faw kirk’ or ‘speckled church’ from which the town eventually took its name. Even today, locals tend to pronounce it Fa’kirk. With.soldiers from both the 1298 and the 1746 Battles of Falkirk buried in the graveyard, the church pretty much tells the story of Scotland.

Internal view of Café in the Kirk, FalkirkTo our great surprise, the Café in the Kirk was very busy, with no available tables. This surprised us in more ways than one. On the way in we had been amply warned by an elderly couple who were sitting outside “the lentil soup isn’t good“, accompanied by knowing glances and shaking heads.  In spite of this, we decide to persevere and it wasn’t long before a table became free and we were in … yeah!

Romantic scones

One distinct advantage of coming here was that we felt distinctly young … probably the youngest in the place. The surroundings were fairly utilitarian, brightly lit, oilcloth table coverings, etc. Perhaps not the place to come for a romantic scone. We were attended to by a lovely lady who was dragging a leg. She reminded me of my mother who spent years serving lunches to perfectly able-bodied people while she hobbled around on a walking stick. Needless to say, we cleared our own table then helped our lady deliver our lunches. It seemed like the least we could do. Previously, we had noticed that there were only two scones left. An anxious few minutes were spent waiting to place our order hoping no one else would get them before us. Was that sinful or was that sinful?

Momentary relief

While we were waiting for our lunch to be prepared we noticed this wall poster. Obviously there is a God posterObviously we were heartened by this news and, considering our fraught lives, decided to follow the advice. Joyous relief! However, when we asked for the password for the wifi we were informed: ” for church use only!” Goodness, that didn’t last long. Now we are worried and not enjoying life nearly as much as we did a minute ago. We’re pretty sure God didn’t actually have a hand in this decision, but still?

 

A scone at Café in the Kirk, Falkirk

Although our lunch was great, by the time we got to our scones,  expectations were not exactly riding high. However, we were to be confounded yet again … they were delicious! Very fresh and a lovely soft texture throughout. Turned out that our lady with the leg had baked them. If we had been able to get cream this could have been the first topscone of 2020, however, sadly, it was not to be. We are pretty sure that this place is entirely run by volunteers so we are reluctant to be too critical. Overall it’s very good and great value for money.

Celebrate or protest?

Now that the big decision has been taken Brexit barely gets a mention in the news. Attention has been diverted to Trump’s impeachment trial in the US and, of course, the supremely important matter of Harry and Meghan’s future happiness. Yet it is only a matter of days until we finally leave the EU … in Scotland’s case, very much against its will. In fact, the Scottish, Welsh and N.Irish Parliaments have all voted down the EU Withdrawal Bill. Will that make any difference? Not a bit! While Boris tries to determine what sort of celebrations will be used to mark the occasion on the 31st, we suspect that, in other parts of our broken UK, the mood will be more one of betrayal.

The minister of this church, an ardent supporter of Scottish Independence, wrote about the situation in his most recent blog. Yes, good people write blogs as well!  He finished with this simple prayer “God, please help us. Amen.” Let’s hope He is listening!

FK1 1JN       tel: 01324 611017       Café in the Kirk

///over.sector.news

ps Many thanks to The Laird who notified us of a Falkirk made K6 proudly standing outside the Jamaica Inn on Bodmin Moor in Cornwall. Picture courtesy of haunted rooms.co.uk

K6 outside the Jamaica Inn
Jamaica Inn made famous by Daphne du Maurier novel by the same name

pps Thanks also to one of our Kiwi correspondents for this pic of her home-baked blueberry and banana muffins. Okay, not scones but they do look delicious.  Maybe we need to broaden our scope and visit the gumdiggers of Dargaville?Blueberry & banana muffins in Dargaville

Ordinary, Scones

Smugglers Cafe

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Today we are in a Cornwall cafe, the Smugglers. It’s inspired by life on the beach, surfing waves and getting your hair bleached by the sun. Only problem is that the nearest beaches, discounting the nearby mud banks of the River Thames, are many many miles away. Life is better at the beachWe are actually in Putney in central London. Nevertheless, Chrissie, who owns this place, has a soft spot for Cornwall and is determined that the Smugglers Cafe should make people feel a little bit of that Cornwall vibe.

“Cornish Smugglers” conjures up a somewhat romantic notion of hardy folk trying to get the better of overzealous excise men. In London, however, we suspect it might have somewhat darker overtones. Fortunately, the decor of surfboards and photos of bronzed beach-ready bodies went some way towards lifting our mood as the rain did its best to come through the plate glass of the Smugglers Cafe window.

Internal view of the Smugglers cafe in PutneyThe cafe itself is tiny but the staff are welcoming and soon had us fixed up with a delicious lunch. After that, we could not risk a scone each so we shared a cream tea. Our tea came from Cornwall, grown on the Tregothnan estate (the only tea grown in England) and the Origin coffee is roasted there as well, in Helston. Never been to Cornwall so our knowledge is limited.

Need to go

We know though that it’s the home of the ubiquitous Rodda’s Cornish Cream, the bane of our lives. We also know that it is the home of a kind and civilised people who stoically tolerate their brutish neighbours in Devon spreading cream first on their scones. A scone at the Smugglers cafe in PutneyThere was plenty of both jam and cream with our scone and we were in no doubt which was to go on first. The fresh raspberries and blueberries were a nice touch. The scone itself, however, was a bit of a disappointment. Just a bit stodgy and certainly not what we expected from a good Cornish scone. Perhaps we need to actually go to Cornwall?

99 to go

T100 Extreme things to dohere were lots of nice homely touches in the Smugglers Cafe. On our table there was a tiny green bucket with little discs inside. It was 100 Extreme Things to Do Before You Kick The Bucket … great! Almost the first one we pulled out was Go On A Blind Date, eh? We did that nearly 50 years ago … and we’re still on it! How on earth are we supposed to get round to the other 99?

Recycling?

This week has been bittersweet … we finished the Christmas cake on the train coming down to London. Pat baked it and I iced and marzipan it with the indispensable assistance of a couple of granddaughters. Pat is not that keen but I am very keen on Christmas cake so when I say ‘we’ finished it I really mean ‘I’ finished it. That’s it gone for another year … boo! Christmas, of course, has other after-effects. Today there is much talk of the need to recycle. Indeed it has taken over our lives. Knowing what goes in which bin and when it goes out has become a sort of art form. People who actually know these things are regarded as truly wise oracles, surreptitiously consulted by their bewildered neighbours.

We buy masses of plastic castles, farmyards and other lumps of plastic just to keep our little angels momentarily happy. It is all then stuffed in a cupboard to be thrown out the following year to make way for even more stuff. Never mind the energy it takes to produce all this rubbish, when we try to recycle plastic it takes lots more energy. Either that or it goes to landfill. It’s ironic that in attempting to get some short term gratification from our children we actually end up helping destroy their future. The smart thing to do, of course, is not to recycle but not to buy in the first place! The children won’t mind. Especially if you explain that having a non-plastic Christmas might make it worthwhile going to the effort of growing up.

picture at the Smugglers Cafe
On the Smugglers wall .. it should be Cornwall but looks suspiciously like Scotland

They may even get to Cornwall and enjoy that vibe!

SW151JT.        Tel:                           Smugglers

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Ordinary, Scones

Courtyard Coffee Shop

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You may remember that in our last post from Antonios Deli we narrowly avoided a potentially tricky contretemps over the last scone. All ended well, however, and we came away with a scone recommendation for Denny. Hence today we have ended up here at the Courtyard Coffee Shop. Denny (pop 7,000) is only a couple of miles from our home yet it’s somewhere we almost never visit. We are only here today because a) it was a beautiful winter’s day and we opted to take a drive up the Carron Valley and b) because we were in pursuit of that scone. There are a number of reasons why this town does not figure highly on our radar … or anyone else’s for that matter.

Carbuncle of the Year

Over the last 40 years the town has had the misfortune of finding itself surrounded by a triangle of motorways. The effect is that the town, which used to be on direct routes of communication, is not any more. It has a bypassed look about it and it’s extremely easy to avoid. Some of the pubs have closed and, perhaps as a direct result, even the police station has gone. The folks who live here, however, are a plucky lot. In 2010, to draw attention to the poor state of the town, they asked for it to be considered for the Carbuncle Award as the most dismal place in Scotland … they won! Normally towns live in dread of these awards but not Denny. Not sure if it had the desired effect or not.

Cattle markets

Anyway if it wasn’t for the wonders of SatNav it’s debatable whether we would ever have found the Courtyard Coffee Shop. Turns out it’s on a farm – the Home Farm to be precise and the road it’s on is called Drove Loan. Drove Loans wLogo of Courtyard Coffee Shop, Dennyere the routes used by drovers to walk cattle from all over Scotland to the main market in Falkirk. Driving cattle in this way was a major activity in these parts for almost 200 years from 1750 onwards.

This particular Loan would have provided access to Falkirk from the west. We also live on a “Loan” but ours would mostly have seen sold cattle moving south to England. The Home Farm seems to consist of a rather untidy jumble of buildings of which the Courtyard Coffee Shop is but one. There is another containing a beauty salon. It typifies perhaps the way farmers have been obliged to diversify in order to survive.

 

Luxury scones

For being a bit off the beaten track it was buzziA sc one at the Courtyard Coffee Shopng when we arrived. The staff were very friendly and helpful and soon had us both sorted with a first class lunch. Because we had eaten quite a lot the decision was to share what was termed a “luxury fruit scone”. Think the “luxury” bit meant it came with cream. Our expectations of the first topscone of the year were dashed, however, when we realised that the scone had probably been baked yesterday. Not bad but some way of the standards required for our highest accolade. It was a pity because this is really a great place. Other than the scone everything was excellent. Because the clientele seemed to know all the staff as well as everyone else in the place, the noise of chat and laughter was deafening. But we love that sort of noise.

Internal view of the Courtyard Coffee Shop

Dare to be different?

Most of the noise elsewhere this week has been about the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Goodness knows, when the monarchy decided to admit someone with more than half a brain, trouble was almost inevitable. The fact that Meghan was an articulate  American divorcee ‘of colour’ with a highly successful career didn’t help either. It’s incredible to see the media that have been saying “how dare she come over here with all her freethinking ideas” swing round to ” how dare she even think of going off somewhere else”! Good luck to them in their big bid for freedom. They will certainly need oodles of luck to disentangle themselves from the wholly unnatural strictures of Royal life. If they can realise their admirable wish to become self sustaining, … even better.

Internal view of the Courtyard Coffee ShopPerhaps we should be  thinking of setting the rest of the Royals free as well. Is it morally justifiable for us as a society to do this to a family? Is it cruel or is it cruel? Surely we should not be allowed to hold a family to ransom like this . We expect them to do our bidding unquestioningly just because we pay them billions. Okay, they are a tourist attraction for people to gawp at but how many readers would like to be a tourist attraction? Thought so. Whatever happens it’s pretty obvious that their is little room for someone with the ambitious free thinking attitudes of America in Britain’s starched monarchy. Pity really, it was the best chance for the Royal family to drag itself into the 21st century. We’ve still got Kate, however, baking scones, giving birth and saying nothing … proper Royal.

While we watch Harry and Meghan’s plight being played out in the glaring media light you should get yourself along to the happy noises of the Courtyard Coffee House. Don’t forget your SatNav!

FK6 5LH       tel: 01324 815579        The Courtyard

///scrolled.types.headed

Ordinary, Scones

Antonio’s Deli

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Well here we are in Antonio’s Deli! Not only in a new year but in a new decade.  A happy, healthy and sconey 2020 to one and all. We have had two weeks of grandkids over the festive season and have come out the other side in much the same way as a couple emerging from a bomb blast – wide eyed and tousle haired but otherwise unscathed … and thankful to have survived!

Things have quietened down now and as we return to some semblance of normality we venture forth like two polar bears emerging, blinking into the spring sunshine. Our last scone was at The Lobster Pot where we asked readers to interpret a puzzling diorama. You may remember some of its contents – a naked lady, a lobster, a snake and a welly wearing dog. Disappointingly, though perhaps unsurprisingly, there were no responses. The mystery remains … unless?

Logo for Antonios Deli in FalkirkThe Lobster Pot was some time ago, however, so we felt that only small steps would be advisable at first to get us back into the sconological swing. Antonio’s Deli was the answer. We can only imagine that the “bistrot” bit is a printing error. Only a short walk from our house and associated with one of our favourite Italian restaurants, Cafe Corvina. However, at Antonio’s we were looked after, not by an Italian, but a lovely Rumanian lady. She delivered the devastating news that she only had one scone left. And, yes, when we looked over at the counter, there it was, a fruit scone in all its solitary splendour. No choice but to share.

Just as we were about to cut it in half, however, we heard our Rumanian lady trying to explain to a rather distraught gentleman at the next table that there were no scones left. We called over and explained that we had the last one. Gosh, if looks could kill! We offered to sell it to him for £5 but he rather ungraciously declined.

New friend

In case it would upset him further we tA scone at Antonios Deli in Falkirkried not to issue “mmmm” noises as we ate. Not that difficult really because, although it was nice enough, it definitely wasn’t a topscone. No cream and the butter and jam came from everywhere except Scotland … and you all know what we think about that! In the end our gentleman got over his disappointment and chatted with us quite affably. He reckoned that the best scones in the Falkirk area were at Dobbies Garden Centre.  We didn’t disagree. He also gave us a hot tip for a scone in Dennyloanhead. We didn’t embrace or kiss or anything but parted as scone appreciating friends … respect!

Internal view of Antonios Deli in FalkirkVideo Games

2020 seems like the beginning of a new decade that, by some accounts, we might not see the end of. We don’t want to appear alarmist, however, what with Greta predicting imminent climactic Armageddon and Indonesia and Australia doing their level best to prove her right, you can’t really blame us for bringing it your attention. On top of all that we have Britain leaving the EU in a couple of weeks and Trump picking a re-election fight with Iran. It’s scary and almost impossible to imagine that someone sitting in an office in Arizona or Essex can, joystick in hand, kill someone driving along a road several thousand miles away. Video games but with real life casualties. To us it seems a particularly cowardly and ungallant way of conducting foreign policy.

Logo for Antonios Deli in FalkirkPresumably they could do the same to all of us? Okay, sconeys are unlikely to ever be seen as a serious threat to world peace but just think of when these deadly drones are small enough and cheap enough to be given as Christmas presents. With such powerful tools at their disposal the barbarian “cream first” sconeys of Devon might try and exterminate all right thinking sconeys caught in the act of putting jam on first. Since there was no cream in Antonio’s Deli this was not an issue. At no time did we feel even vaguely threatened.

Anyway, onwards and upwards. Now that we have stuck our toes back into the scone-land water, we may venture even further next time.

FK1 1HR          tel: 01324 637000        Antonios

///friday.keeps.melt

ps Australia has more than enough problems at the moment and our sympathies go out to them. Thank goodness for our miserable, cool but moderate climate back here in Scotland … 16°C forecast for tomorrow though?? Might have to get the deckchairs out early.Australian sconeBuried in our labyrinthine computer we found this pic of our Toowoomba correpondents enjoying an Australian scone. They’ve got cream! Don’t know anything else about it but lets hope that good scone times return to Aus very soon.