Monthly Archives: April 2019

Ordinary, Scones

The Coach House

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We are coming to the end of our time up here in Inverness. It has been great and our gang of mini people have really enjoyed it. We have done much searching and seen lots of invisible things … Nessie, dolphins, easter bunnies and pirates. We managed, albeit with some difficulty, to retrieve a bottle that was almost completely buried in the mud, deep in the river Ness. It had obviously fallen overboard from a pirate ship and when we got it cleaned up we discovered the pirate’s name engraved in the glass …. Arthur Guinness, arrr!

Stubborn cow

Sign for the Coach House, TomichToday, however, we are in search of out-of-the-way scones. Hence, we are in Tomich, it’s pretty out-of-the-way! Having successfully made our way through Drumnadrochit without having to visit Nessieland we eventually ended up here having successfully negotiated miles of single track road and a large herd of cattle. These cows definitely had the “we were here first” attitude and were in no hurry to move off the road. But who cares when you are not rushing to get anywhere … and the mini people loved it. Tomich itself consists of about five houses, a hotel (closed) and the Coach House café in what used to be the Post Office.

More than 101 golden retrievers

Now you could be forgiven for thinking that nothing ever happens in Tomich but Sign for the Coach House, Tomichyou would be wrong. In 1868 the first ever Golden Retriever gun dog was bred here by Lord Tweedmouth. Last year they had 150th anniversary attended by no less than 361 golden retrievers. There’s also a tea plantation. They have 500 camellia sinensis plants in cultivation and although they haven’t produced enough for a single cuppa yet, it’s still early days. For all you wild swimmers there is also the Plodda Falls … we didn’t have time! Along with all the beautiful Glen Affric scenery what more could you ask for? A scone … that would be good!

A scone at the Coach House, TomichThe people who have the Coach House are wonderfully friendly and welcoming. We soon had ourselves sorted with some lunch and Pat and I had a scone to share. Everything was great … apart from the scone! Early promise soon dissipated along with the scooshie cream which simply dissolved into a watery white liquid. The scone itself was a bit dry and crumbly. No topscone but did it spoil our visit? Not at all, this is a lovely quiet spot and we would love to return.

Mini people of pirate bottle fame make a tropical island from Tomich gravel

We normally speak in fairly disparaging terms about land ownership and landowners in Scotland. Danish billionaire, Anders Povlsen, owns more than anyone else … almost 350 square miles. The news that he lost three of his four young children in the Sri Lankan bombings is desperately sad and beyond imagination. Our hearts go out to him and his wife.

IV4 7LF   tel: 01456 415459        The Coach House TA

///rinsed.fountain.dragonfly

ps: This K6 in Tomich is fully functional but unusually did not have a manufacturer’s badge and instead of simply “TELEPHONE” it had “email,text,phone”. Not sure how that works?K6 telephone box at the Coach House, Tomich

Scones, Top

IV10 Fortrose

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Today we are in Fortrose on the Black Isle just north of Inverness. We are here to see dolphins with a host of expectant mini people. Having had no luck with Nessie we are desperately trying to find dolphins instead. And Chanonry Point in Fortrose is definitely the place to see them. Except there weren’t any there … arrgghh!

Looking for dolphins at Chanonry Point, Fortrose
Mini person looking for dolphins

You start to question your own self worth when faced with lots of mini people full of unfulfilled expectation. Thank goodness a late burst of reality came to our rescue in the form of the Easter Bunny.

Looking through holes

Sign for IV10 in FortroseOne chap who could have foreseen all this disappointment was Kenneth Mackenzie, the Brahan Seer, Scotland’s Nostradamus. He made many predictions in the 16th century, most of which actually came true. He had a pebble with a hole through which he could see the future. Such pebbles can still be found on the beach at Rosemarkie, the next village to Fortrose. We were sorely tempted to send some down to Theresa May. If she looked through the hole she would be able to see the fruits of her labours … an independent Scotland, a united Ireland and England slowly being sucked into a black hole.

Plaque to the Brahan Seer at Chanonry Point, Fortrose
Memorial stone to the Brahan Seer on Chanonry Point.

Having the ‘second sight‘ can be a bit of a curse though.  When Lady Seaforth, wife of the Earl of Seaforth and reputedly the ugliest woman in Scotland, asked Mackenzie if he could see her husband on his visit to Paris. He said he could, he was fine but refused to elaborate. When she threatened to have him killed unless he told her everything he eventually admitted that the Earl was having a high old time of it in the French capital with several other women. He also predicted the downfall of the House of Seaforth.

These predictions were completely true, however, they were so scandalous she had him dipped head first into a barrel of boiling oil, here on Chanonry Point. Surely, he should have seen that coming! Ironically, as he met his horrific and untimely end, he was probably  comforted by the sight of leaping dolphins just offshore! Okay, maybe not that comforted!Internal view of IV10 in Fortrose

Mission accomplished

Anyway after a few hours of stone skimming and non-existent dolphin watching some sort of sustenance was called for. We ended up here at IV10 (it’s the postcode) on the town’s high street. It was one of these places where you just new as soon as you walked in that it was going to be good. Although descending on them en masse (six adults and five mini people) they were not put out at all. A lady who was half Argentinian, half Greek had us all sorted out in no time and seemed absolutely delighted to be doing it. We had a lunch of fantastic food, couldn’t have been better.

The scone that Pat and I were sharing was also first class. Nicely presented with generous helping of jam and cream … no prepacked stuff here. We like everything about this place, from the excellent deli to the beautiful al fresco eating area. They say that they “aim to offer responsibly sourced, uncomplicated food and drink, made with love and respect“. Mission accomplished IV10, we need more, go-to destinations, like this in the Highlands.

Internal view of IV10 in Fortrose

Unbelievably big holes

We think Kenneth Mackenzie wouldn’t have had too much trouble predicting new and dismal shootings in N.Ireland or even bomb blasts in Sri Lanka. However he might have found it harder to foresee 1000 people being arrested in London for trying to save the planet … or a comedian being elected President of Ukraine. You couldn’t make it up … you really need a great muckle hole in your stone for that sort of thing!

The Chanonry Point lighthouse at Chanonry Point, Fortrose
Chanonry Point lighthouse

IV10 8SX.      tel: 01381 620690         IV10 Café

///youthful.whiplash.green

Ordinary, Scones

Landmark Forest Adventure Park

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We got shrunk deckchair at the Landmark Forest Adventure Park, CarrbridgeWe still have lots of miniature people to keep occupied. Having failed to spot Nessie at the Dores Inn, today, we decided on another outing to the Landmark Forest Adventure Park in Carrbridge. It was a master stroke decision. We were able to make our miniature people even smaller and easier to handle, as this picture testifies. This place is actually a fantastic for kids especially if you want to tire them out. It has treetop walks, waterslides, climbing walls, zip wires and a butterfly house to name but a few.

Millipedes and waterslides

Just watching their boundless energy was enough to make Pat and I feel pretty exhausted and in need of sustenance. We thought the Forester’s Restaurant would do the trick.

As in many such places this eatery trades on the fact that it is the only one around and it suffers accordingly. Relatively poor service at the self service counters and generally lack lustre food at fairly high prices.A scone at the Forester's Restaurant at the Landmark Forest Adventure Centre, Carrbridge We were able to get everything we needed, however, including a scone. Once again there was no local produce in terms of jam and butter and no cream at all. The scone itself was okay if a little soft and bland. No topscone today. An unforeseen downside was that, having fed the wee ones, they had even more energy. This meant us having to venture out once again onto these hair-raising attractions – Wild Water Coaster, the Runaway Timber Train and the Tarzan Trail. Phew, we should really stick to scones.

The news seems to be mostly about the £56 billion Crossrail project in London. It may not be operational until 2021 which would make it several years late. This is of little consequence for people in Scotland who, apart from paying for it, receive no benefit whatsoever. Heyho, twas ever thus. The sooner Scotland can stop funding crazy projects like Crossrail and HS2 the better … and there is only one way to make that happen, isn’t there!

PH23 3AJ        tel: 01479 841613          Landmark

///girder.extent.horn

Ordinary, Scones

Dores Inn

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Here we are in the tiny village of Dores on the shores of Loch Ness and, not only that, we are still in the EU. After months of fever pitch Brexit guessing, the delay in leaving has left the media wallowing in a sea of nothingness. Thankfully, in order to give the hacks something to do, an invisible black hole has miraculously appeared voraciously sucking in the orbiting wreckage of political careers and credibility. Notre-Dame has also done the media a massive favour by simply burning down. Many years ago, Notre-Dame and its magnificent stone flying buttresses made us realise that maybe we are not as smart as we like to think these days. It’s all been done before even without the aid of modern technology. Anyway, we have gone from 24/7 coverage of Brexit to zero, it’s almost as if it was all just a bad dream.

External view of Dores Inn, Loch Ness
Dores Inn from the beach
Nessie

Does any of this matter in Dores when you have six miniature people to look after? Not a bit of it! In fact after a walk along the beach, keeping a close eye on the water for Nessie, we had nothing other than scones on our minds.

Internal view of Dores Inn, Loch Ness

Unrecorded deaths

Dores Inn is a great wee pub/restaurant, very much at the center of this community. At one time, almost too much at the center of the community. Around here, in times gone by, it was common for deaths not to be recorded at all. Apparently funerals, especially for those of some importance, could become quite riotous … much food and drink was taken. People feared dying simply because of the cost. At the time it was said that it was dangerous to be ill, expensive to die, and ruinous to have a funeral.

A scone at Dores Inn, Loch NessHowever, today in the glorious sunshine we are all very much alive and our only expense will be lunch and a scone. Their beer garden is rather cleverly called the OutDores Inn. However, even though the sun was shining there was a cool breeze coming in off the loch. We were fortunate to get a table inside that could accommodate all fourteen of us. Service was great and we were soon all catered for and Pat and I were sharing a scone. No cream but the scone itself was very good. No topscone unfortunately but we thoroughly enjoyed our time at Dores and look forward to a repeat visit sometime soon.

Unbelievably, Nessie did not make an appearance … maybe tomorrow? An appearance would certainly have displaced black holes and Notre-Dame as headline news. We are ‘almost’ missing the horrendous wall to wall coverage of Brexit. If they keep this up perhaps the whole sorry mess will just be forgotten about? Or perhaps not!

IV2 6TR.         tel: 01463 751203           Dores

///investors.nightlife.poet

Scones, Top

Forest Hills Revisited

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The last time we were at Forest Hills was back in August 2016. Britain was still reeling from the result of the Brexit referendum, David Cameron had vanished into thin air and the Tories were desperately trying to save their party. Not a lot has changed. Back then, however, we had the media and the politician’s favourite distraction … the Olympics. The masses enter a kind of stupefied state where nothing else really matters. While we were at Forest Hills, Team GB had famously beaten Team Vanuatu in the hop,skip and jump event. As we leave the EU this Friday we need another momentous moment like that to distract us from impending disaster. It’s not really a disaster, life will go on, it’s just that we rather like being European. Infinitely preferable to being British with our arcane systems of government.

Ah well, even if we could arrange an Olympics or even a Commonwealth Games before Friday we would have to let everyone beat us … at everything! Otherwise they might not trade with us! And, after we leave Europe, we might be dependent on Vanuatu for goodness sake!

Correspondents

Anyway, you are all very familiar with our international network of correspondents by now. They expand our sconological research to parts that we simply cannot reach.  Sometimes the odd telephone box creeps in as well. Our Trossachs correspondents, of course, are amongst the most adventurous. They could pop up in Gibraltar or Lithuania or Basseterre or Argentina or even 38,000 feet up in the air … there is simply no telling. Today, however, they are back in their natural habitat. They have invited us to help celebrate their wedding anniversary in Kinlochard. We were staying in the hotel but the celebrations were being held in the village hall. While we were waiting for the festivities to begin we thought we should check that scone standards had not slipped since our previous review. Internal view of the Forest Hills Hotel, Kinlochard

Scones at the Forest Hills Hotel, KinlochardWe were relatively early so had the whole lounge to ourselves. Sitting in front of a wonderful log fire our beautifully warmed scones were presented with lots of jam and a generous pot of whipped cream complete with strawberry. What’s not to like? The tea and coffee were all excellent and the scones were just the right size with that lovely crunchy outer and fabulous soft inner. Delighted to report that Forest Hills has indeed retained its topscone award … well done! Of course, we would expect no less from a ‘MacDonald’ Hotel.

Gluten free?

Later, along with about fifty other revellers we had a fabulous evening of eating and drinking with music supplied by the excellent Chapter Four folk band. When it came to the ceilidh, suffice to say that many willows were stripped with all the usual sophisticated aplomb accorded to that particular dance. Scones at the Kinlochard Village HallBack at the hotel, we retired to bed, happy but exhausted. Next day, however, saw us at the village hall again. This time it was to partake of scones …. gluten free scones, another first for us. Oh, dear, two scones in as many days! They had been made specially by a local lady who has a gluten free diet. Delicious but, of course, we couldn’t make an award … there’s no way for readers to access them.

Great way to round off the weekend’s celebrations though and for everyone to say their farewells. Congratulations and huge thanks to our super generous hosts. When they come down off cloud nine we hope they remember to get back to their sconey day jobs.

Farewell to Europe

‘Farewell to Europe’ (should be a lament for the bagpipes) is probably not going to happen on Friday. At least we don’t think it will actually happen on that day … who knows, nobody knows, it might, it might not? It’s like the UK has decided to commit suicide but can’t make up its mind how to do it! It wouldn’t be so bad if it just hurt us but it could also wreck the Irish economy and potentially start ‘the troubles’ all over again. That’s bad! Hopefully, what with all the delays, they will eventually realise that suicide isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

FK8 3TL    tel: 0344 879 9057      MacDonald Forest Hills Hotel & Spa

///taxpayers.globe.woof

ps: We are always keen to promote new correspondents and were delighted to receive this report from our rookie ‘wildlife correspondents’. They venture into all sorts of out of the way places in pursuit of flora and fauna. Hence they found themselves in the Balmoral Hotel in Edinburgh having afternoon tea when their fledgling sconological urges kicked in and drove them to file their first report. Scones at the Balmoral Hotel, Edinburgh

Although they did not feel sufficiently qualified to formally award a topscone they, nevertheless, could not imagine a scone being any ‘topper’. A very promising start, our rookies showing definite potential. Many thanks L&R. We will, of course, endeavour to deliver an official verdict. That is once we have saved up enough to enter the Balmoral’s hallowed halls.

K 6 telephone box in Oxfordpps: The Pedant has just filed a report on this somewhat delapidated  Lion Foundry K6 in Oxford. It goes under the What3 Words code of ///loved.lonely.vivid which rather belies its appearance and its location in the centre of the city. He didn’t say if it was operational but it looks like it may have been used to relay instructions to the Oxford team in the boat race last Sunday.

Ordinary, Scones

The Green Door

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If May and Corbyn think they are currently treading on dangerous ground with their futile little chitchats we hope they spare a thought for us. Today, us MacDonalds are in the heart of Campbell country. Indeed, Inverary is where the chief of the Campbells, the Duke of Argyll, has his lair, Inveraray Castle.

View from Inverary with the puffer Vital Spark
View across Loch Fyne with the puffer Vital Spark of Para Handy fame in the foreground

The current Duke, Torquhil Campbell, holds other titles e.g. Lord Lorne, Marquess of Kintyre and Lorne, Earl Campbell and Cowall, Viscount Lochow and Glenyla, Lord Campbell, Admiral of the Western Coasts and Isles, Lord Inverarary, Mull, Mover and Tiry, Baron Hamilton of Hameldon, Lord Kintyre, Baron Sundridge, Baronet of Lundie, Master of the Royal Household of Scotland, to name but a few.

Thus, one man manages to embody all that is rotten in the British political system. Not his fault … it’s the system! Anyway, it would be great if we could say that’s all in the past except those titles and privileges are still very much alive and well. More are bestowed every year in order to keep the great unwashed in their place. Apart from the simply act of being born, ‘His Grace’ has done absolutely zilch to deserve any privileges whatsoever. He just inherits them but consequently he can take a seat in Parliament. And we have the cheek to complain about the EU being undemocratic?

What’s in a motto?

In the 1780s, Inveraray was largely rebuilt as a ‘new’ town and now much of it is protected by preservation orders.View of InveraryThe town’s motto is “Semper tibi pendeat halec” which, as you all very well know, translates as “may a herring always hang to thee” We suspect that this is also Jeremy Corbyn’s motto. It would explain Theresa holding her nose when in his company … or perhaps there’s some other reason! For Inveraray, the motto presumably refers to its role when the herring fishing industry was in its heyday. Still a bit weird though. Nowadays, Inveraray has many attractions and is always busy with tourists.

View of Main Street, Inverary
Looking down Main Street East

We’re just passing through and stopping off for refreshment … and maybe a scone? There are many options in Inveraray. We eventually chose The Green Door largely because it actually had a green door and a notice indicating the presence of scones. Internal view of The Green Door Café, InveraryInside it is quite small but full of stuff so has a slightly cluttered appearance. We were very warmly welcomed however and managed to get a table tucked away in a corner at the end of the counter. A scone at The Green Door Café, InveraryThey didn’t have cream however our scone was pleasant enough and came with plenty butter and jam. It was interesting just sitting there watching the constant coming and going in this busy little place.

Brexit sympathy

As we often say, in places like this, Brexit seems a long way away.  Since all the staff here seemed to be local perhaps the effects might not be too drastic for The Green Door. We are actually feeling really sorry for the EU now. They don’t deserve all this British nonsense. We are almost wishing for a hard Brexit just to save the EU from further hassle. Even if Brexit was cancelled tomorrow, it would take the UK a long time to repair the damage done.

Eventually we reluctantly took our leave of lovely Inveraray and continued on our way. Fortunately, no one had spotted any MacDonalds … phew!

PA32 8UY         tel: 01499 302722          Green Door

///changed.coverings.dustbin

ps: we are indebted to our Aussie Bathurst correspondents who have taken to telephone box spotting while in Scotland.  It has breathed new meaning into their lives. They sent us this photo of an operational Saracen Foundry K6 in Peat Inn, Fife. Many thanks J & A.Saracen foundry K6 in Peat Inn, Fife

Ordinary, Scones

Café Ecosse

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 “Hands up anyone who has the slightest inkling of what is going on in British politics.” After yet another farce in the House of Commons last night that would be a perfectly valid question to ask. “No, Theresa, put your hand down”.

Let us have a go at defining ‘farce’. The British people, voted to leave the EU. We disagree fundamentally but recognise it as a simple straight forward instruction – ‘leave, no deal’! The fact that they did so on the basis of fairy tales and lies is beside the point. However, almost all our politicians, including the PM, are promising to “deliver on that instruction from the British people” while, simultaneously, ruling out ‘no deal’. That’s the farce … all ‘deals’ are contrary to what the people voted for. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more farcical Theresa May announces, after all this time, that she is willing to speak to the opposition? Whatever next?

What’s in a name?

Today we are in the town of Invernevis .. or at least, that’s what it will most likely be called once Scotland gets its independence from ‘the farce’. Currently it’s called Fort William. Originally it got its name from William of Orange who built it in order to control the locals. It was then renamed Gordonsburgh, then Duncansburgh before eventually reverting to Fort William. However, this time the ‘William’ bit was after Prince William, Duke of Cumberland otherwise  known fondly by Scots as “Butcher Cumberland”. Hopefully, when Scotland becomes independent it will rid itself of the name along with all other remnants of colonialism. Invernevis sounds good to us.

Internal view of Café Ecosse, Fort WilliamThe second largest town in the Highlands after Inverness it sits at the foot of Ben Nevis, the UK’s highest hill. It therefore has it’s own weather system as the rain clouds sweep in from the Atlantic. Annual rainfall is three times that of Edinburgh. It rains a lot and today is no exception. It also sits at the northern end of the West Highland Way and the southern end of the Great Glen Way so there are always a lot of wet walkers around. This place, Café Ecosse, is just the sort of place you might find them … it’s pretty basic. Nothing wrong with that as long as the scones are good!

Rescued hat

We were served by a young lady of indeterminate A scone at Café Ecosse, Fort Williameastern european origin who seemed to be running the place single handedly. They have a very elaborate customer service notice on every table which we felt was a bit OTT. We didn’t bother using it because the list of things in need of improvement would have been too long. We had a couple of sandwiches which were okay then we shared a scone. No cream but with plenty A notice at Café Ecosse, Fort Williamof fruit, it was okay  … no topscone but okay. At least we were in out of the rain. When we left Café Ecosse the rain had gone off and the young lady  who had provide our scone came running after us with my hat. I think Pat wished she hadn’t bothered. There’s nothing wrong with my hat so at least I was grateful!

Beira

Let us tell you about Beira, mother of all gods and goddesses. She was a giantess who had blue skin, rust coloured teeth and one eye. Hand down Theresa!! Beira built Scotland’s mountains with a magic hammer and when her maid Nessa was naughty she transformed her into a river which eventually formed Loch Ness. Ben Nevis was Beira’s mountain throne. Now, if you think this might be a little far fetched, can we refer you back to ‘the farce’ at the beginning of this post. Beira, suddenly seems quite plausible.

PH33 6AT                   tel: 01397 705751               EcosseFB     

 ///obeyed.spurring.revised